US Weekly

We don't get the Newspaper, and Curious George or Wizards of Waverly Place usually plays on the television in place of the news. We have the internet so we are somewhat informed, but let's be honest. There is never any good news being reported. By "good", I mean happy or uplifting. Most of the news is pure Debbie Downer. I understand that our world is chalk full of horrible, mean, malicious people, but I don't want to hear about them. I have young kids and I'm already doing all I can to keep them safe, I can't watch the news and hear about all the crazies who are doing awful things to kids. It's a feeling of helplessness that drains me. So it's no surprise that our number one source of "journalism" (yes, I am using that term lightly) is our long awaited US Weekly. It's fluffy news! Good news! The pictures are pretty and the content is light as a feather. I can be happy that Reese Witherspoon is expecting a baby with her newest husband. I want to hear that. I can't wait hear if she's having a boy or a girl. What will she name this baby? This is the news I can handle hearing first thing in the morning. If this makes me a horrible person, then I'm thrilled to be one!
Technically I have to be an US Weekly subscriber. You can't have a hair salon in your home and not provide fresh US Weekly's. Well, you can, but why would you want to do that? It's a horrible thing to do to your clients. They want the gossip magazines, they need them, as do I. In fact, my whole family needs that magazine. I look forward to walking out to my mailbox every Friday just to see what "news" made the cover this week. I put on my sunglasses, sit on the front porch and read it cover to cover while my kids play in the yard. It's beautiful really. What's ugly is the scene you would witness if I opened the mailbox and didn't find my magazine in there. This has happened before and it's the beginning of a witch hunt. First thing I do is suspect that my elderly mailman has taken my magazine home for the weekend to read it himself. That doesn't sound entirely probable, so I quickly move on to plan B. I summon my kids to the sidewalk and we begin the journey to the next street over where there is a house with my same house number. My mail sometimes ends up at this woman's house and it never occurs to this woman to bring it over to me. I can't tell you how many times I've walked over there and she's sitting down reading MY magazine (before I do!). I understand why she does it. I'd do the same thing if I were ever lucky enough to have an awesome neighbor who subscribed to the most kick ass magazines. But I don't. I once got her Readers Digest and I tried to retaliate, but the content was awful and I couldn't read it, so I kindly delivered it to her.
So I read it every Friday afternoon and Dave then reads it during dinner or while eating breakfast Saturday morning. This mans world has been so much better since he started enjoying all the perks of life with me. He gets to watch all the best reality shows and he has full access to my gossip magazines. He really enjoys these simple pleasures now. Who wouldn't? So after he reads it, the magazine gets put in my salon where my daughters get to look through it every morning when they get their hair done. Sasha has learned to read and she practices her reading in my magazines. She is learning how to spell lots of different names and she is becoming a mini pop-culture expert. This is a dream come true for me! In fact, just this morning she asked to eat a Pop Tart with butter on it. I asked her where she got the idea to put butter on it and she said, "Jessica Simpson eats them with butter. The magazine said she likes Macaroni and Cheese and I like Macaroni and Cheese, so maybe I'll like Pop Tarts with butter on them too." And it turns out Jessica Simpson is on point with this one. They are delicious with a little butter melted on top.