While Jr. High School did suck, I do miss the good old days when you could eat garbage for lunch and it was totally acceptable. There was a lunchroom at my school, and we had the classic lunch ladies there, but I didn't eat that sort of lunch very many times. Of course there were the occasional Taco and Tater tots days, but for the most part, I skipped it. I took my four shiny quarters directly to the vending machines! I don't know if public schools are allowed to have garbage filled vending machines anymore. I doubt it, but in 1991, we had an amazing selection of high calorie, zero nutrition snacks to chose from. Most days I'd buy a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos or Munchos. Everyone knows what Cool Ranch Doritos are. They are some sort of corn chip, covered in a delectable zesty ranch powder. I bet I ate Munchos at least twice a week for two years, and I could not tell you what a Muncho is. It could only be described as fried, fried stuff, or potato dust that had been fried into oblivion. They were delicious and if you ate them with Dr. Pepper, they would instantly melt in your mouth. I, like everyone, had my Cheeto's phase, but the powdery cheese could easily get out of hand and the next thing you know, you're walking the halls of South Jr. High with orange all over your face, and this was way before it was cool to have an orange face. I'm sure today most 13 year old girls wouldn't even be able to tell if they had Cheeto or Dorito powder on their faces. Bronzer is far to accessible for the young crowd.
So like I was saying, I'd get my bag of chips and I'd get in line at the soda machine. There, I would spend my last two quarters on a freezing cold can of Dr. Pepper, or Mountain Dew. All these flavors must have blended well on my 13 year old pallet. So now you find your little clique of friends and you're ready to consume your disgusting feast.
This lunch time ritual would be judged very harshly today. Even I would be disgusted to watch a rotten little teeny bopper eat that. But twenty years ago, no one judged. It was a simpler time. I didn't know what a carb was, and I had no aversion to Saturated Trans Fats. High fructose corn syrup was a member of the vegetable family back then. Why would you ever drink something that didn't deliver calories, sugar and caffeine to you belly? I bet people would have laughed hysterically if they saw a fifty cent bottle of water in the vending machines in 1991. It was just unheard of. All the teens would have said, "Isn't that the free stuff that comes out of the communal drinking fountain? What sort of idiot would spend the quarters they took from their mothers wallet on water?".
So after I ate my garbage with my friends, the bell would ring and I'd be forced to walk into the depths of hell...7th grade social studies, a.k.a. "Utah History". I HATED this class almost as much as I despised the teacher. He was a sad, depressed and awful version of Stephen Colbert and Bob Sagget. So this miserable man, in his dank, windowless classroom would start droning on about who knows what while I desperately searched for something to hold my attention. I recall scanning my classmates daily, desperately hoping to develop a mad crush on someone, anyone, just to make this hour tolerable. Add to all this the inevitable sugar crash I was having from my trash lunch. The whole thing was a recipe for disaster. Almost all my detention time was earned in that horrible class.
I'm so glad I just relived this terrible time in my life, because I am so thankful that I'm now a 33 year old grown up. I no longer have to spend my days in Jr. High lock down. I'm so sad that I will one day have to watch my own daughters go through this awful phase of life. It will be painful to stand by helplessly watching it. The good news is that my Jr. High school burned to the ground a few years ago. I drove by it one day and I was absolutely delighted that all my fantasies had come true! It brought a certain peace that those days are over, forever! Good Riddance!