Tuesday, July 31, 2012

My Favorite Stories.......

.....Are the ones that no one's telling. 
When people are asked what super power they'd most like to have it's usually X-ray vision, or the ability to fly.  I would want the ability to hear what someone is really thinking instead of the words that they are saying.  That would be awesome for me.  I'm tired of hearing what people think they're supposed to say.   I want the unedited version.

Imagine someone droning on about how deliriously happy they are, and you're getting to hear the truth instead.  '"Your mother in-law is a what????"  "Your husband said WHAT???"  "Your jerky kid did what???"   O.M.G. I would love it.  It seems like society in general is under the impression that you are your own publicist and ONLY the positive rumors will be confirmed.  It makes sense.  I understand that everyone one wants to seem better than they really are, but cut the bullshit already.  Let's hear the honest truth. That story is WAY more interesting than the edited report that you hear from most people.  Every one's marriage is super duper!  Of course it is!  That's why half of all marriages end in divorce!  Every one's kids are super easy to care for. Of course they are, I mean we all know raising kids is a breeze.   I read a blog the other day, about this lady with six kids (all under the age of 10) and she is just deliriously happy and not the least bit stressed out.  And guess what....her hubby is absolute perfection!  I don't mean to be a hater, but come on.  I care for two kids and a man child and even that is a bit much.   If you have six young kids (no nanny) and your days are stress free, you are doing it wrong or your pills are AMAZING (can I get your dealers pager number?)

But that's life right.  This is why we all have to have a few best friends.  That's where all the good stuff is being leaked.  That's where you really get a better feel for what's "normal" and what's really going on behind closed doors.  I have some great friends and I have the added advantage of being a hair stylist to some awesome women.  I've had the privilege of hearing some of the juiciest stuff ever in the salon.  I've watched real life soap operas play out over many years.  Maybe this is one of the reasons why I love doing hair.   The hairdresser/ client relationship is amazing.  Trust develops fast and friendships come naturally.  The secrets you tell your hairdresser are kept in the vault for life.  I vividly recall sharing some of my juiciest tales with my old stylist Kim.  I don't know if it's the chair or the light chemical aroma in the air, but hair salons are the equivalent of truth serum.  It all comes out and it's a relief to hear.  I can't tell you how comforting it is to hear that other people share your struggles.  It's nice hearing that your husband isn't the only one who acts like your overgrown spare child.  It's nice knowing that the kids that you love can be a real pain in the ass.  I enjoy truth filled tales of real women's lives.  I love hearing both the good AND the bad.  It's refreshing.

Friday, July 27, 2012

Kid Entertainment Part 2

I think my kids are easily entertained because we don't do a lot.  I know tons of people don't like to talk about money with kids, but I do every single day.  They will leave this house as adults that understand the value of a dollar.  I always let them know what's a good deal and what's a crazy rip off.  I want them to know that there are tons of great activities and toys available, but they all come with a high price tag and we have to decide what's worth our money and what isn't.   My worst nightmare would be to raise these girls and have them turn into adults that are delusional about money.
I want them to know from a young age that they are not above the store brand of anything.  Movies at the discount theater are still new and exciting for us even though everyone else saw them a month ago.  If you get $100 for your birthday, $90 will be put in your savings account and you can decide what you'd like to do with $10.  They accept all this logic from me because they are young and have no other choice, but I really hope they are learning some valuable lessons here.  Their teenage years are going to be a huge disappointment if they aren't figuring any of this out now.

So what's worth a high price tag at this house?  A great example would be Justin Bieber concert tickets.  I got a ticket for myself and my six year old.  I bought the tickets on the pre-sale and I got them from the legitimate retailer, so I wasn't paying the sky high scalper price, but it was still expensive.  I justify the expense, because the it will be the perfect first concert memory for my daughter.  The price of the tickets not only includes the show, but all the fun and excitement that the anticipation brings.  Just the other day we drove past the arena where the concert will be held and Sasha started screaming in the back seat.  She is so excited, not only for the concert but for a night out on the town with the girls (my bestie and her six year old daughter are coming with us).  The pricey tickets are already worth it, because it's guaranteed to be a night she will always remember........and I love the Biebs too, so bonus points for me!

Normal entertainment at this house looks more like this;
1.  Empty toilet paper rolls, markers and tape.  Throw in stickers and scissors and this is a two hour activity.
2. 13x9 baking dish filled with baking soda.  Two, rinsed out, infant Tylenol dropper bottles filled with vinegar and food coloring.  My kids LOVE this one!
3. Play doh, a rolling pin and cookie cutters..........on the out door table (cause I hate play doh crumbs).
4. Scrub brush, Dawn, a step stool and the kitchen sink.  Kids LOVE scrubbing bubbles in a sink.
5. Sorting ANYTHING...playing cards, blocks by shape or color, clean laundry into family member piles, dirty laundry into colored piles.  My kids love sorting games.
6.  Wii bowling tournament with the disco light on and loud music.
7.  Pretend cooking with cheap or expired ingredients.  A bowl, a whisk, measuring spoons and sprinkles for flair.  Especially if both girls get to wear their aprons.  This activity is probably their favorite.

We do have a fun life.  Most of it is free and home based, but it's still a good time.  I think this is why they really get a kick out of eating food inside the Wendy's and  why checking out kid movies from the library is really exciting.  Their expectations are sort  of low (in a good way) and it makes our outings a bit more thrilling.  It won't always be this way, so I'm enjoying it while it lasts.

Thursday, July 26, 2012

Kid Entertainment

I'm very lucky to have kids that don't mind finding entertainment in the mundane.  A trip to the grocery store, eating inside of the Wendy's building, Popsicles on the deck, a trip to the library, going inside the bank, a single balloon, getting the mail, the miniature grocery cart at Smith's.  It doesn't take much.  On the occasional day where we don't leave the house, they seem thrilled to be home all day, just moving from room to room with their wrestling and destruction.  I know that they don't need excessive entertainment, but I still occasionally get that feeling (thanks a lot Facebook) that I'm not taking them out to do enough fun stuff.

Yesterday was one of those days.  I thought, "to hell with it, we're doing something fun today and I don't care how much it costs'!"  So I grabbed some juice boxes, forced the kids to pee and we hit the road looking for fun.  I drove 35 minutes south and paid way too much money to park at Discovery Gateway Children's museum.  The kids were thrilled with me.  We went inside and walked up to the desk to pay our entrance fee and there I was met with a horrible decision for a gal like myself.  Do I pay $8.50 per person today or do I blow $95 and buy a year long membership that includes 4 guest passes?  I hate these situations.  I was prepared to drop $25.00, but now I'm forced to decide if I love this place enough to invest in a pass.   It seems like a smart financial choice to opt for the year long pass, but what if we don't end up using it?   Did I mention that I hate kid specific places, because they are always disgusting, germ filled  and chalk full of weirdos?  Well I do.  I only go because I think my kids will like it and there's air conditioning ( my hair looked really great yesterday morning and I didn't want to do the sweaty meltdown thing).   So what happens next can only be the result of "long line behind me panic", because I bought a year long membership.  The only upside of this dumb decision is that I put it on my Old Navy card and I'll end up with some free clothes as a result of this charge.  I put everything on that card, Emergency room visits, C-sections, any bill that will accept payment by card really.  Free clothes is a reward that I really respond to.  I figure I have to pay for all that crap anyway, so why not rack up some rewards (free jeans anyone?) while I'm at it?

So we enter the magical children's museum and it's not quite as great as I remember it being 3 years ago.  It looked sort of picked over and dirty.  Oh well, my kids had a good time.  Sadly, they spent the majority of their visit in the kid sized mock grocery store.  They filled their little shopping carts full of sensible foods and pretended to pay the child cashier for their purchases.  I can't be certain, but I think I overheard Sasha ask the child cashier if she could use a pretend coupon.  Mother was proud.    They did this mock shopping so many times that I was forced to make a grown up friend, just to pass the time.  I should publicly thank the preppy kids nanny for the great conversation.  You're living the dream girl, taking care of kids from 9 to 5 AND getting paid for it AND getting your nights to yourself!  It will never get better than that.

Once mommy was all germed out, we thoroughly washed our hands (because Dave will want to know that we did) and we hit the car for some Justin Bieber tunes and chilled juice boxes.  As soon as we got home the girls ran to their rooms and put on their swim suits.   I then sat on a lawn chair and sprayed them with the hose for an hour while they ran all over the yard laughing and squealing with joy!  Part of our bedtime routine includes me asking them to name what part of their day they are most thankful for or enjoyed the most.  They both answered the same way.  Getting sprayed with the hose of course!  I'm feeling sort of stupid for driving all the way to Salt Lake to throw away $95.00 plus gas......I could have told you yesterday  morning that the hose would be the highlight.  Lesson learned.

P.S.  Is it pathetic that I chose not to mention any of this to my husband last night?  He would think I was out of my mind crazy to blow $100 on the Children's museum, and frankly...........I don't want to hear it.

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

My Great Grandma is 100

I'm 33 and I still have one living great grandmother.  Yesterday she turned 100.  Do the math.  My family liked to start having kids by age 20 at the latest.  My older sister broke the mold on that one and I think all of our elders were just fine with it.  These days 20 still seems very young to be having babies, but way back when, 16 seemed like a great age for marriage and 20 was plenty old enough for motherhood.   Although times have changed, I'm so glad that I come from a family where not only do I have a great grandmother, but my kids have a great-great grandmother!  At age twenty I still had 3 living great grandparents and my 100 year old grandmothers long term boyfriend, Lag,  was still alive.  That seems unheard of these days.

So yesterday, on Carmela's birthday, I really got thinking about how crazy it would be to have lived through so many MAJOR changes in American History.  She was born in 1912.  William Taft was president.  The fifth Olympic Games where being held in Sweden.   The Oreo cookie was invented that year.  The automobile assembly line wasn't even invented at that point.  I think the Model-T was only just starting to be built around that time.  So you could imagine that only the richest Americans would have had access to cars.

The first rotary dial phone was developed in the mid 1920's.  I'll bet it took anther 10 years for a telephone to become something you'd see in a home.  Can you even imagine how crazy it would be to live through that time where no one had access to a telephone and then watch people today using cell phones constantly?  I wonder what Carm thought of the pager era? 

Commercial air travel got started in the late 1950's.  How scary would it have been to take your first commercial flight when there was no such thing only a few years before?  I imagine it feeling a lot like the today's concept of taking civilian into space.  I would be scared to death to ever try it.  My grandma went from the horse and buggy to a Boeing 747 in her lifetime.  That's a pretty huge change.

I'm left wondering if I could end up living that long and how many more monumental inventions could take place in my lifetime?  I can't imagine what changes could possibly happen by 2078.......the year of my possible 100th birthday.  I wonder if my great grandma could have ever imagined how different the world would be from the time of her birth until now?

Monday, July 23, 2012

Where do you even find a guy like that?

I loved the Bachelorette finale!  I didn't see any of that coming.  Emily had her last date with sweet Jef and she let him meet her daughter.  It went so well and she felt so good about it, that she didn't even have her last date with Arie.  She told him she'd already made up her mind about Jef and she let him leave before the final day.  I thought she made a great decision.  My husband was shocked because Emily was always making out with  Arie and Dave just assumed that she'd choose him.  They had plenty of chemistry and it was obvious.  She had really strong feelings for Jef too, but the physical side was not as overwhelmingly obvious on camera.  If Emily was just a single, childless gal, I'm certain she would have chosen Arie.  Her practical, mother side led her to choose Jef.  He will be a great husband.  He will be a fantastic dad, and I believe he'll commit to all of those things sooner than later.  She made a great choice, and I'm glad she made the choice with her head and her heart, rather than with just her lady bits (if ya know what I mean). 

I don't know if men know about that side of women?  There's that age old cliche about men having two brains, one upstairs and one downstairs.  Well I firmly believe that women are the same way when it comes to their  decisions about men.  This is why we all know at least one young lady who is dating a jerk that doesn't deserve her yet.  Girls  also make rotten relationship decisions based solely on physical attraction and that crazy chemistry.  I vividly recall myself and many of my girlfriends having at least one "boyfriend" (we all know what I really mean by that word) that was amazing, but not even remotely falling into the category of relationship /marriage material.  Sometimes physical chemistry can over power all your sensibilities.  What can I say?  It happens.  The best you can hope for is a few moments of clarity where you recognize that you'll  be needing a lot more than just chemistry if you want a lasting marriage. 

I don't mean any disrespect to Arie on this.  He's awesome!  On After the Final Rose, he admitted that he was so heart broken that he flew to Emily's hometown and left a journal, that he'd kept during the filming of the Bachelorette, on her door step.  He thought that if she just read his candid thoughts and feeling about falling in love with her, that she'd understand his love and change her mind.   I was blown away by that.  I loved it.  Where do you find a guy like that?  That was so romantic and sweet.  I've never even seen that move in a movie.  Emily didn't read it, out of respect for her new fiance, and she kindly returned it to him, letting him know that no good could come from her reading it.  Still, I thought the gesture was so tender.  I momentarily wondered if I screwed up my dating years by not being a botoxed, blond with fake boobs and fake teeth?  Where did I go wrong?  Dave did some super sweet things that sealed the deal for us when we were dating, but Arie went above and beyond and he wasn't even the best guy there.  Jef is out of this world great.

I've been married for 10 years and honestly I don't even know what criteria you should use when choosing the person you'll marry, but I feel like it has to be more than just that weak in the knees, butterflies in your stomach stuff. Although that stuff is is some of the best stuff in the world.  I think Emily feels like that for Jef too, and he just seems like the safer bet out of the two of those remaining guys.   I hope it works out for Emily and Jef.  All that being said, I am so pumped for the premiere of Bachelor Pad.  I very much look forward to eight weeks of debauchery!

Saturday, July 21, 2012

The Finale is on SUNDAY!

Saturday morning has just begun and it looks like it's going to be a gorgeous day, but mentally, I just want it to hurry up and end, so that Sunday can begin!  I can't wait for the Bachelorette finale.  The previews give nothing away and I just can't wait to see how it all ends.

Usually the previews will show little hints or clues that the well trained eye can pick up on,  but not this time.  It doesn't even show a single clip of Emily waiting nervously for her final guy to show up and receive his final rose.  This in unheard of, so I am left to believe that this may very well be the "most dramatic ending in bachelorette history."  Host Chris Harrison is gonna love saying that phrase every ten minutes of the finale.  It's going to be great!

Will she choose Salt Lake City Jef with one "f"?  Or will it be the obvious choice for her, Arie the race car driver?  I like them both.  Jef is quirky and hilarious.  He is so different than the typical bachelor guy and he seems so sweet.  Arie has the whole "racing" thing going for him though.  I rarely ever watch racing, so I'm not sure why that's hot, but of course it is.   Dave thinks Emily only likes Arie because he's a race car driver.  I'm sure it adds to his appeal, but I thinks he's very likable even without it.  My husband wishes ALL the guys would have been race car drivers just to make it that much more difficult for her.

For the first time in a long time, I don't have a clear cut opinion on who she should choose.  Oh, I am just so excited to watch it and find out what happens!!!   The best part of this brand new Sunday night finale format is that I will only have to wait 24 hours for the premiere of Bachelor Pad!  There isn't going to be even one depressing, bachelor-less, Monday night.  This is a dream come true!

I love being so easily entertained.  I pay good money for that HD receiver and it pays me back every week.  It's like Christmas morning happens 25 times a year for me.  This is the benefit of not being above this sort of entertainment.  The Bachelor Franchise has my number for sure.   I hope they continue making these grand scale dating shows until the day I die.  I love all the drama and I appreciate every ones effort in bringing it to me!  Sunday night  can't get here fast enough!

Thursday, July 19, 2012

Which Eighties Movies Have Stood the Test of Time?

I read a great post on Facebook today.  Sandy, who has three kids, let her children watch an old movie.  The movie is a cartoon called "All Dogs Go to Heaven" and it was a movie that she remembered liking as a kid in 1989, only something was different now.  The movie sucks now.  On Facebook she commented on the horrible content of the movie, "All they do is smoke, drink, gamble, steal, murder and cheat!"  Long story short, she didn't enjoy it this time around and her kids didn't either.   They ended up having bad dreams about it later.

This strange movie amnesia happens all the time.  Sometimes it's the content I can't quite recall accurately, and most of the time it's the overall entertainment value that I remember wrong.  It's very embarrassing renting a movie that you remember loving when you were young, only to discover that it sort of sucks now.  I can never pinpoint the exact reason for my change of heart all these years later.  Am I just more mature now?  Do I really understand what's going on now?  Have I been spoiled by great modern movies with top of the line special effects?   There are so many shows that I thought I loved, that I don't dare to rent for my kids.  I just don't want to see some of them now and realize how bad they really are.  And I fear that my kids would reject Annie or the original Parent Trap just because they're old. 

In Sandy's case it sounds like she sees movies from a  mom's perspective now.  You don't want your kids getting their heads filled with garbage.  In 1989 Sandy was probably thrilled to see "bad" movie.  What kid didn't love seeing a movie that mom wouldn't approve of.  My cousin and I were obsessed with Dirty Dancing as kids.  Yes, the content is a bit racy, but a lot of it went over my head and we just loved it anyway.  Same with Grease.  I watched that movie a million times when I was a kid.  I had all the songs memorized, word for word.  I vividly recall watching it for the first time as an adult and I still loved it, but WOW were my eyes opened.  The blatant sexual undertone of the movie was suddenly so obvious.  Grease Lightening was a whole new song with my adult brain.  It's the exact same movie that I always loved, but it's all processed in a different way when you "get it".

Roughly ten years ago, Dave and I were at Blockbuster looking for  DVD when I saw the cover of a movie I really liked as a kid.  It was Drop Dead Fred.  The name was great when I was young, but as an adult I wondered if this movie might suck now.  I rented it, to Dave's complete and total horror and we watched it, or rather attempted to watch it.  I think we lasted thirty minutes and Dave said, enough was enough.  It was horrible.  I couldn't understand what had happened, but to this day my husband brings up Drop Dead Fred every time I try to recommend a movie to him.  "Is this Drop Dead Fred good, or have other adults said it's good too?"

Dave had an awful movie moment himself.  He insisted that we watch some horrible movie from the eighties that starred Dolph Lundgren.  Sadly, I agreed to watch it because I have a soft spot for Dolph ever since Rocky IV.  This movie bomb was WAY worse than my Drop Dead Fred.  Dave looked just as puzzled as I had when my movie turned out to be so dumb.   Our taste for what qualifies as entertainment evolves as we age.  There are still a few good movies that have stood the test of time, but most just aren't as good as you thought they were.

Movies that I still love:
1. Can't Buy Me Love
2. Back to the Future
3. Dirty Dancing
4. Goonies
5. Big
6. Uncle Buck
7. Dirty Rotten Scoundrels
8. Breakfast Club
9. Quick Change (another Bill Murray classic)
10. Dumb and Dumber
11. Say Anything
12. Thelma and Louise
13. Splash (for my mom)
14. The Cutting Edge (this may be my all time favorite)
15. Ferris Bueller's Day Off
16. Girls Just Want to Have Fun
17. Real Genius
18. Footloose
19. Weird Science
20.  Sixteen Candles
21. Adventures in Babysitting
22. Top Gun
23. The Man in the Moon
24. Ghost Busters
25.  The Princess Bride

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Tattoos on Pinterest

I LOVE Pinterest.  But I don't like all the tattoo worship that goes on over there.  I don't get upset by tattooed folks, but the overt adoration of "ink" is dumb in my opinion.  I like art, but I think it looks best on a canvas on your walls.  Thay way you can drop it off to the salvation army store in 10 years when you can't stand it anymore ("why was I so obsessed with sunflowers?")  So many people, especially young people, have "Tattoo Boards".  I feel the urge to roll my eyes every time I come across one of these.  Apparently, you are now required by the laws of social media, to take a photo of your "ink" and post it on Facebook and Pinterest.  What's the point of permanently decorating yourself?  These days the point seems to be this, it's become a desperate attempt to get attention.  "Look at me, Look at me.  Please, someone look at me and say something, so I can feel adored or I defend myself in the battle of my own free will!"

Thank you Pinterest for filling this need on a grand scale.  Most of the "tat" photos on Pinterest have lots of comments under them.  Half are adoring comments from strangers, the other half are reminders of reality and gravity.  By that I mean comments such as, "That's gonna look like shit when you're 70" or "Good luck getting a job with that spider web on your face!".  Legitimate points indeed that spark a furious rage in tattoo lovers.
Hope you don't get fat or old!

I'm a firm believer in the phrase, "To each their own".  David Beckham is my celeb crush and he has tons of tattoos.  I think he's crazy hot and I'd be delighted if he chose to tattoo my name across his chest or his phone number on his forehead.  More power to ya hottie!    I'm not the least bit bothered by strangers covering their bodies in tattoos, but the reality is this.  If you cover your body in visible tattoos, you will be judged by the public.  It's an obvious no brainer.  Your look is the best way for strangers to get a feel for who you are before they get to know you.  Your skin is your cover and your content will be judged by it.  Honestly a body covered in tattoos gives the general public a lot more information about you than plain skin.  For instance, if you have a tattoo on your face, I could no nothing more about you and I can confidently say that I'd feel most comfortable if you were still in jail.  That's a snap judgement, but it's the way it is and I'm not alone here.

There are plenty of bare skinned people who are just awful, but that bare skin isn't giving anything away or calling out for commentary.  It's not drawing any unwanted attention and really, isn't that what tattoos are for?  Anyone who believes that tattoo are really personal ought to be putting them in more personal places on their bodies.

And I have to say that the deep "meanings" are weird too.   I will admit that I giggle a little inside when people on L.A. Ink and shows like that, go into their longs stories about what their new ink represents.  "This dragon represents my brief stint in karate and how the dragon ate my soul and then barfed it up brand new!"  or "My grandpa died and I loved him so I needed his picture on my back where I can't see it."  My grandpa died too and I loved him dearly, but I don't think he expected a permanent pictorial on my back or arm.  All grandparents die, it's not unique.  Pets too for that matter, and surprise surprise, you will die too!  Might as well go ahead and get your own photo on your own back, so folks will know what the front of your face looks like without actually looking at it.  This is only my opinion here.  No judgement.

I have a tattoo myself and it does have deep meaning.  It's a snowflake and it means that at age seventeen, I was a short sighted, master manipulator, with season pass to a ski resort.  I now have kids and bills, and I haven't been snowboarding in six years.  I sort of dislike snow these days.  It's on my lower back, which my children like to call my "butt" and Vince Vaughn famously calls a "bullseye" in Wedding Crashers.  They always ask me why I have a snowflake on my butt and how it got there.  My answer is always the same.  "Well girls, it got there because mom was a dumb teenager who couldn't imagine maturing past the ripe old age of seventeen.  It stays there, because it would look even worse if I tried to get rid of it."  My kids assure me that it will wash off eventually.  Fingers crossed!

Your parents probably don't want you getting tattooed and you probably won't want your own kids getting tattooed.  The thought of either of my girls growing up and getting permantently decorated is an upsetting thought to me.  I'll understand their desire to do so and  I wouldn't stop speaking to them or be mad or anything, but the thought is heartbreaking for some reason.

Monday, July 16, 2012

Carni Folk

Our Saturday was a bit unusual.  Instead of taking the boat out, we went to a city carnival!  Dave and some guys from work decided they were fit enough ( they were not) to sign up for the 3 on 3 basketball tournament, so the girls and I got to indulge in all things carnival between his games.  Just a short walk from the basketball courts, we found a city park, transformed by the traveling carni-folk.  In place of overgrown grass, there were game stands, funnel cake tents and about fifteen of the sketchiest rides you've ever seen.  The tickets were overpriced (cause why wouldn't they be) and the people watching was top notch. 

The carnival employees themselves are some of the oddest people you'll ever meet. The mandatory requirements for that job seem to include :
1.  You must have a super effed up haircut that may have been popular in the early to mid-eighties.
2. You may only have a maximum of 15 teeth (this is NON-NEGOTIABLE).
3. You must be EXTREMELY socially awkward.
4. You must have the ability to make parents very nervous.
5.  If you don't speak English, learn the game of Charades!  It works just as well.

All that being said, why wouldn't I put my flesh and blood on the sketchy rides they maintain?  There is no logic to it at all, but the kiddies had a great time.  They rode around in a circle, hundreds of times, in a variety of ways.  Boats, motorcycles, carousels, giant spinning strawberries and the most dangerous of all.......the swings.  I loved "The Swings!" when I was a kid and my girls are no different.  I vividly recall riding the flying swings at Lagoon as a kid and always wondering what would become of me if my swing suddenly detached from the ride.  Would I land in the dirty pond, the concrete, the trees, or would I die in mid-air, flying wildly toward the nice folks waiting in the line?  I survived the ride every time and never found out what would happen if  the ride malfunctioned. 

That was at a well maintained theme park.........the flying swings at the carnival were frightening.  There was visible duct tape on half of the swing chairs.  I believe in the power of duct tape.  It's strong alright, but this still seems like a bad sign.  There were also giant circular cutouts on the backs of the swing chairs.  The seat belts were ill fitting and appeared to have been stolen from cars made in the seventies,  and the back-up safety belts were chains.  It all looked really shady, but I'd already given the mute ride operator our eight tickets, so we were locked in.  I looked on in mild horror as the ride slowly began circling.  Full speed really wasn't all that fast, and I was relieved by that.  The looks on my children's faces were absolutely priceless.  They were overjoyed.  That amount of smiling and laughter can only mean one thing.  Mother did good!

I'm glad we had such a good time on the scary rides, because the rest of the weekend would be a sad glimpse of life with Dave as a 90 year old paraplegic.  It turns out that my husbands body only looks fit.  In reality his tall frame + his age = injuries!  Even he was a bit surprised that his former athleticism had deteriorated into this.  He had no energy, a bright red face, two huge blisters on his feet and an ankle that swelled to the size of a softball.  It was a sobering sight indeed.   But at least we now know that homeboy needs to regain some fitness before he gets any older, because I don't want to be tiny nurse maid to a broken giant anytime soon.

Saturday, July 14, 2012

What Job Would Be Your Worst Nightmare?

The list is endless for me on this subject.   I'm not cut out for most of the jobs that the world has to offer.  And I'm not just talking about the lower level jobs that people generally look down on, like working at a fast food place.  I would probably really like working some place like that, honestly.  Fast food joints are efficient and that's right up my ally.  Efficient is one of my most favorite words.  I love efficient people and things.  Have you ever been to the Wendy's drive-thru at lunch time?  I can't think of ANYTHING more efficient than that.   That right there is a well oiled machine if I've ever seen one.   It's almost TOO fast.

  I wouldn't want to do tons of the jobs that require advanced degrees either.  First of all, I couldn't handle going to college for 6 years (or trying to find a parking spot at a college for 6 years).  I thought one year was overkill!  This is one reason that I don't get these folks that choose to be students for eternity.  We all know at least one person who is going to school just for the sake of going to school.   Studying the fine art of avoiding a real job.

 I would hate to be a doctor (I'm thrilled that other people want to do this).  I'm to much of a germ-a-phobe for that and I don't exactly love blood......especially other peoples blood.  The cul-da-sac around the corner from me is full of gynecologists.  I call that street Vagina Dr.   I can see the appeal of bringing babies into the world.  That would be exciting and uplifting, but the rest of that job....barf.  Just walk into your neighborhood Walmart and look around.   There's all your patients!   I don't need a Porsche or a Range Rover that bad.  No thank you.

Really, I wouldn't want any sort of a life or death job.  The pressure would be too much to take.  Right before I started Beauty School, I recall a moment of clarity where I just knew I'd prefer a job that you didn't have to take home with you (ironic that I now work at home).  I feel so bad for the folks that lie awake at night stressing about what happened at work or what might happen tomorrow at work.  This is exactly why I enjoy doing hair.  It's stress free and fun.  It's a necessary art and it's all done in a light and fluffy atmosphere.  I love it.  I wish there were benefits like paid vacations and health insurance, but that's the price you pay for a pleasant job I guess.

So back to the job that I think I would hate most.  I've never tried it, but I suspect that being a corrections officer would be awful. It's like babysitting the naughtiest kids on the planet only they're adults so there is no excuse for their bad behaviour.  It just seems like a thankless job in a downer setting.   I can't imagine waking up each day and heading off to the prison.  That would be scary and depressing.   And as if babysitting criminals all day wouldn't be bad enough, someone has to do all those cavity checks and who would want to do that all day?   I'd like to publicly thank anyone who takes on this horrible job.  It's completely necessary, but just so awful.  Thanks for doing it, I hope you're able to find a bright side to it.

Thursday, July 12, 2012


There are a many words that my six year old (holy crap my kid is six already!!!) mispronounces and some of them, I just refuse to correct her on.  Most of them, actually.  I'm not trying to do her a disservice here, but why correct her when I much prefer her version of them?   Also, I try to recognize that my kid has really only been speaking English for 4 years and there is so much to learn.  Lot's of tedious details that she hasn't quite mastered.  So when she hears a word spoken very quickly, naturally she's going to process it with her own logic and reproduce it how her brain sees fit.  My number one example is also my favorite.

Covered's:  This is how her brain reproduced the odd word, "Cupboards".  We normally call them cabinets, but we have one in our house that we all refer to as the "snack cupboard".  Her mind tells her that these shelves of pretzels and fruit snacks are covered up by doors.  Therefore, we shall call them "covered's".  Doesn't that make far more sense than "cup-boards"?  I vote for Sasha's version of that one.

She has a few others that I love too.  I feel like these words are getting harder and harder for me to pronounce properly.  I like her versions so much and I hear them so frequently that they seem correct somehow.

Pop-lee-er = popular
Reg-lee-er = regular
Ree-dic-lee-ous = ridiculous
Wa-ther = water
Bu-ther = butter.  "Should I get out the buther mother?"

A long time ago I read a great Facebook post from a girl, Mindi, that I've known forever.  Her daughter's favorite doughnuts are "blazed".  This cute kid must have heard the word "glazed" once, rejected it in her mind and replaced it with "blazed".   Needless to say, Mindi will never correct her.  And why should she?  I can't imagine anything going better with a delicious doughnut than the giggle you'd get hearing this kid say "blazed" doughnut.

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Just a Few More Pages.....

How true is this?  If I have a good book, I get sucked into a readers time warp.  I'll read until I'm certain twenty minutes have passed, only to see the clock and realize I've been reading for well over an hour.  I don't know where the time goes, but that's the power of a really good book, isn't it.

This almost always happens to me right before I go to bed.  It will be 10:30 and I'll think, ''Oh it's early still.  I'll just read for a few minutes and call it a night."    Then I'll look up at midnight and wonder why I'm still awake.  I love sleep.  Why have I delayed sleeping?  But it's that age old question, "What's going to happen to my character next?"  That's what I love about clever writing.  I love not knowing exactly what's going to happen next, but dying to find out.

I'm currently reading "One Day" as I mentioned in yesterdays post.  I'm always on the hunt for a great book that makes me want to stay up late and find out what happens next.   I love recommendations!  Gimme all you got!

Monday, July 9, 2012

Disney Channel Has Poisoned My Mind

I picked up a new book for myself at the library last week.  It's called One Day and it's the story of a relationship told only by what happens on July 15th of each year.  I'm half way through it and so far it's not a love story, just the evolution of a friendship between a guy and a girl.  They both have feelings for each other, but the timing hasn't been right yet for it to really blossom into anything more.  It isn't what I was expecting it to be, but I really like the book and the writing style.  I'm just having one teeny tiny problem.  I'm picturing the main characters, Emma and Dex, as Austin and Ally, the from the Disney channel show Austin and Ally. 

This is obviously a huge problem for me.  On the first page of the book, the characters are graduating from college, and they only get older from that point on,  so why am I picturing these obnoxious  17 year olds?  I'll tell you why.  It's because my mind has been poisoned by the Disney channel. My oldest daughter LOVES this show and we watch daily.  The T.V. is right by the kitchen, so even when I'm not watching the show.......I'm still seeing these two constantly.

Despite the fact that these crazy kids are not at all what the author had in mind when writing the book, I conjured them up when reading it and what's done is done.  I can't overcome this mental image.  I feel like Ally might work if she was older.  I'm trying my best to age these two a bit and it's sort of working, but still, I wish I didn't think of them every time I read the book.  Once I've imagined what my book characters look like, there is no going back.  Try as I might to change my own mind about them, it can't be done.  There is no "delete image" button in this mind of mine.  So I'll finish the book picturing these kids as thirty year olds.  It's going to get wicked awkward, but I'll push through.

On an unrelated side note.  My daughter thinks Austin is so cute.  She just can't get enough of these super white boys.  Even at her school, she's always pointing out the tiniest, translucent boys with their white hair and telling me how adorable they are.  It cracks me up to see that at age six she already has a very clear idea of what pleases her eye.  I wonder if it will stay this way or change as she gets older.  Time will tell.  It's a riot watching your kids personality slowly emerge.

Friday, July 6, 2012


I am injured.  No, I didn't start doing the Cross Fit.  I messed up my back the other day, right here in the comforts of my own home, and now I feel like I'm 100 years old!  I told Dave how bad my back was hurting in the middle of the day on the fourth of July and he asked what I had been doing that could have caused this pain.  I thought about it for a while and the answer was obvious, but so embarrassing.  I over did it at the sewing machine.

Yes, you read that correctly.  I have a sewing injury.  I'm that hardcore that I am feeling crippled two days later.  I made new drapes for the living room (they look awesome) and I started a new dress for Sasha and the muscles or nerves in my back are wrecked.  I guess I was all hunched over for far to long and I'm paying for it now.  My sewing chair blows and my petite-ness (read short as hell) only makes matters worse. 

I can do pull-ups and push-ups!  I run all over this neighborhood pushing a heavily weighted double jogger.  I made it across the monkey bars at the playground the last week, and it's my damn sewing that's done me in.  Oh the irony.

Do you know how awful it feels to have the motivation to create new things, yet you can't because the sewing is too hardcore for your old lady back?  It's awful.  I waited months for my favorite fabrics to go on sale at the fabric store and now that I have them, I just want to make some dresses and pillows!  But I don't dare because it even hurts when I sleep.    I'm going to have to back off for a few weeks and let my injuries heal.  This is so stupid.

The upside of this is that I've started to pinpoint what my greatest fear might be.  I fear getting old and losing mobility.  I NEVER want to feel like I can't do something because my body isn't capable of it.  The thought of it scares me to death.  I already have plans to be that 75 year old lady that everyone is just amazed to see.  I want to be training for a body building competition in my golden years.  I'm certain I'd win.  There wouldn't be anyone else competing in my age bracket, so I'd win by default.  If my sister Stacie is reading this,  I'm warning you now, don't get any ideas.  Don't you dare enter my competition.  I want to win damn it!

Thursday, July 5, 2012

The New Generation of Annoying Teens

Get ready, this is going to make me sound like I'm VERY old... but I'm not so sure about the new generation of teenagers.  I'm not trying to make huge generalizations here, but there seems to be a disturbing trend among many of the older teens around here.  They are all obsessed with their phones and common courtesy is not common at all.  And the entitlement.........don't even get me started on the sense of entitlement I'm seeing.  I don't want today's post to come off as completely negative, but I am very concerned about what I'm seeing all around me.  I'm scared of it really. 

I see it daily, but last nights encounter with it really got under my skin.  We went to a park to watch a fireworks show.  We got there a little bit early and got our spot all set up.  My daughters were having a ball.  They loved being out late!  Just the idea of sitting on a blanket at a park at night was super exciting to them.  We didn't even need an impending fireworks show.  So here we are, minding our business when some older teens march on to the scene.  They just walk into our little set up and throw down their blanket.....half of their blanket was on top of ours.  No "excuse us" or "do you minds?"  They just plopped down and that was that.  Other folks around us were even making comments on how rude it seemed.

So there the older teens are.  Sprawled out, completely oblivious to anyone else around them.   They have now been detached from their phones for almost two full minutes because they were trying to find a spot to throw their blanket down, so obviously it's now phone time.  They all proceed to do a photo shoot.  They take at least forty flash pictures.  And they all contemplate which shots would serve Facebook best.  Would the Riverdale skyline be a nice profile shot or would the picture of all their feet together look best?  The conversation they were having was horrible!  Everything they said or did somehow revolved around their phones.

 The  girl who bugged me most, set her phone down for two seconds and I was overwhelmed by the urge to grab it and throw it over the ledge on which we were all sitting.  I pictured it cracking into a million pieces on the pavement far down below us.  I pictured this event ruining her life (does this sound horrible of me?).  I thought it might be good for her to have no phone to rely on for one day.  Maybe she would learn how to exist without it.  Maybe she could learn to have a conversation with human beings without it.  Perhaps she would learn the ancient skill of speaking to someone while also looking at them!  Yes that's it!  The destruction of her precious phone might teach her to interact with her friends like we did in the good old days before texting and Facebook photo shoots.  We spoke to one another without fiddling with our I-phones (who pays for these idiots to have I-phones????) 

But I didn't throw her phone.  Instead I sat and watched in horror as my two daughters observed the sad sight that was the group of idiot teen girls.  I will be horrified if my sweet girls turn into anything even remotely resembling this one day.  I don't know exactly what I'm supposed to do to prevent it, (tell them "No" once in a while) but I'll try ANYTHING!  I'm slightly pleased that my girls seemed irritated by the antics of these idiot girls.  My kids have that territorial thing going on too, just like Dave and I.  Sasha and Lyla didn't like the teens blanket being on top of our blanket.  I was thrilled to see how annoyed my kids were by this.  It was as if I've already taught them what "rude" looks like and that we should be disgusted by the sight of it.  I was so proud of my kids in that moment.

I was also given one more joyful moment last night (and it wasn't the fireworks show).  I glanced over at one of the idiot girls and noticed a spider climbing up her back.  I said NOTHING and watched it happen.  It passed through her hair and started climbing down her arm.  She was oblivious.  Apparently the spider never texted this information to her, so she was none the wiser.  It was creepy to watch a spider crawl over her skin, but I was pleased by the sight of it.  That's what you get for being a brain dead, oblivious, idiot teen girl.

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Bachelorette Boy Jef (with one F)

Well what do you know, Jef with one "f" is really growing on me.  I loved his hometown date with Emily on last nights episode of the Bachelorette.  He took her to his families ranch in St. George, Utah and their date was awesome.  I'm not just saying this because he's the Utah guy and I'm from Utah.  I really like this guy.   He's getting better every week.

He had a great date planned.  He took her for a ride in a Razor (a four wheeler with seats that goes really fast!), which looked like tons of fun.  Next they shot at clay pigeons.  They were both excellent shots and Emily seemed very impressed with Jef's shooting skills.  I loved when she said something along the lines of, "Look at you shooting guns all manly in your skinny jeans."  The date was perfect and he was really showing her a new side of him.  I liked it a lot and honestly I would have had such a good time on a date like that.

Then of course she had to meet like four of his 500 siblings.  They all seemed nice enough.  I don't know if it's just my trained Utah eye or what, but the siblings were TURBO mormon.  Dave even noticed that they had the mormon look and accent.  I'm not saying that this is a positive or a negative, I'm just saying it's strangely obvious and I wonder if people outside of this state see it?   I even got the inside scoop from my cousin that Jef's folks are on a morman mission and Jef went on one as well.  I guess he isn't into it anymore, but I hope Emily is aware of all this.  If she ends up with him, it will make her integration into his family a bit tougher than she might think. 

All that being said though, I think that their relationship is really progressing.  He read her the SWEETEST letter that he wrote to her on his plane ride home from Prague (the last date city).  I think he's very different from the other guys.  He's very likable and he seems like a lot of fun to be around.  I don't know if she wants to get it on with him, but if she does, they might have a great time as a couple.  Plus, I would love it if bachelorette Emily chose Jef and moved to Salt Lake.  I would love to go shopping downtown and run into her at the MAC counter or something. 

The other two guys are great as well.  Shawn's family seemed great.  His dad was awesome.  He'd make a great father-in-law.  I think Emily felt very comfortable with them.  Ari's parents seemed sort of weird.  Almost like they are off in outer space.  I got super annoyed when Ari's mom just started speaking Dutch in front of Emily.  It was beyond rude.  Who does that?   I'm just so excited for next weeks episode!  I love the fantasy dates every season.  I am counting the seconds until next Monday night.

This must happen to everyone....

Type cast as a donkey.  Seriously, I can't see any movie with him in it and NOT search the screen for a talking donkey.  I have to assume that he's filthy rich, so I guess it's okay with him.

Monday, July 2, 2012

Joy in the Little Things

I ALWAYS say that it's the little things in life.  You really have to find joy in the little, simple, day to day things if you want to live a happy life.  You're probably not going to make it very far in life if your only joy comes from a yearly vacation or the butterflies of falling in love.  You have to take time to recognize the little things in your life and relish in them when you get the chance.
Most of mine are really simple and might be horribly dull to someone else, but that's exactly what makes them  a unique source of joy for me.  A great example would be my Friday afternoon ritual of going to the mail box and retrieving my fresh episode of US Weekly.  A subscription to a gossip magazine is a completely unnecessary expense.  I look at it as a major money splurge, but I get so much joy from walking out to the mailbox and finding a new magazine in there once a week.  It's my only magazine subscription and I cherish it.  I don't want to read it online.  I love all the pictures and I love staying completely up to date on all the latest pop culture stories.  I read it cover to cover every week.   My brain has a unique ability to store all this information in a permanent file.  I don't know why, but I have to appreciate that my brain does that.  I hope to find a way to cash in on this talent one day.  Don't get me wrong, I wish I could store really important information this way, but my brain refuses to keep the other stuff.  It loves holding on to celeb baby names.  I don't fight it, I enjoy it!  
The next little joy is currently my favorite part of my life.  Right before I go to bed at night,  I get my three year old daughter out of  her bed and take her for a quick potty break.  I pick up my sleeping baby and she hangs on to me like a little koala bear.  Her three hours of sleep has already given her major bed head and her wild hair is only adding to her charm.  She rests her sleepy head on my shoulder and I carry her tiny body to the bathroom, smelling her adorable sleep smell on her neck.  Her room is a little further away from the bathroom, so the walk is a bit longer than it was a my old house with my older daughter.  I love that the distance from her room to the bathroom is longer.  It makes the moment last longer and  I LOVE this moment in my day.  I mean I absolutely treasure it.  It's one of the things that I will miss so much when she gets older.  I don't even know if she really needs me to do this for her, but I wouldn't miss it for the world.

Great photo that I found on Pinterest.  This says it all.

I don't really remember having that moment with my older daughter.  I'm sure it's because I was already getting up in the middle of the night with a hungry baby and I was probably rushing to get Sasha in and out of the bathroom.  I was probably really tired and VERY ready for a solid stretch of sleep.  I'm so glad I get to enjoy this moment with my three year old.  I hate thinking that this time in my life is so temporary.  I'm like any other parent, I can get very short patiented with my kids.  There are plenty of days when I'm counting the seconds until their bedtime, but after fifteen minutes of quiet time, my patience is restored and I'm ready for more.  Maybe this is why I love the late night potty break.  There are no distractions.  It's just a wonderful moment that I get to enjoy with my peaceful little girl.  JOY in the little things!