Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Award Shows, Who Cares?

Yesterday morning, I had a rare moment where no kids were home and I wasn't in a mad rush to take shower and go pick anyone up. I finished the dishes and did something I never do, I sat down and turned on the T.V. I had recorded the Screen Actors Guild Awards, a.k.a the SAG Awards (what an awful acronym). I hit play and waited to be entertained...still waiting.

I was able to sit through twenty minutes of it before I started wondering why I was wasting my time watching it. A giant light bulb lit up above my head and it occurred to me that I don't care about who wins these ridiculous awards. Once you officially don't care, the whole show looks different. You're able to look at all the pompous, arrogant, narcissistic actors and have a good laugh at them.

 Most of them are botoxed into oblivion. I'm not saying I'm anti-botox, but a dab will do ya if you know what I mean. These women (and men, let's be honest) are taking facial paralysis to a whole new level. Helen Hunt is unrecognizable. Would I be utterly disgusted if I witnessed the upper half of her face moving? Is that a grotesque sight that she's shielding me from?  It's laughable how intensely the red carpet community suffers from "First World Problems".

 Their demure gazes into the camera, the ridiculous poses, and the acceptance speeches that would have you believing the actors had cured cancer. "I'd like to thank my Hollywood spouse and my amazing agent and my brilliant cast!"  I don't think your spouse has anything to do with it. Let's give credit where credits due. Your first grade teacher who taught you how to read should be thanked and the writer who wrote the words that you repeated verbatim should also be thanked. Am I right? It's absurd. Yay for you actors, you are insanely talented for reading and being able to repeat what you read! And to top it all off, your face was totally paralyzed while you did it and your girdle like undergarments successfully strangled your body at the same time! Perhaps you were also successfully starving yourself while you did all this. Bravo!

The bad news is that I'm one of the people that would appear to care about the 42 yearly actor award ceremonies. If I don't care, who will?  I should mention that I was slightly entertained by a tiny bit of the show. At one point a presenter took a moment to thank all the men and women of the armed forces that are serving our country. She hoped that they would thoroughly enjoy the show from their barracks in the Middle East. I did laugh about that, not because I'm not grateful for our military and their service, I am. I found it hilarious because I couldn't get one man (my husband) to sit though two minutes of the SAG Awards, so I can't imagine thousands of men sitting in a room all giddy to watch the SAG Awards. I don't know if the military still has that "Don't ask, don't tell" policy, but I don't think a SAG Awards viewing party would be conducive to that policy....if you know what I mean.

Thursday, January 24, 2013

Don't Raise a Hater

There is a jerk kid in my daughters class. You know that there are tons of jerk kids in the world, and there's bound to be at least one in your kids classroom, but it's disheartening all the same when you discover the jerk kids identity.

 I came to know the jerk kids name one morning while helping my daughter get dressed for school.  She wanted to wear her pink jeans and I ran upstairs to her closet to grab her a shirt that would look good with them. The shirt was white with long sleeves. It has a picture of Justin Bieber on it. My daughter loves this shirt, or rather loved it. She got upset when I showed her the shirt I brought downstairs for her. She said she didn't want to wear it because Jerkface (I'm protecting his real identity) makes fun of her when she wears that shirt. I was outraged when I heard this. Let me remind you that my sweet child is in FIRST FREAKING GRADE!

 I got her a different shirt that morning, and I sat my kid down and had a little chat with her. It started with the most important point of all, "Why the hell do we care what Jerkface thinks about anything? I can tell you right now that Jerkfaces opinions aren't more important than yours. Do you feel the need to tell Jerkface what to wear and what music to like? No, you don't, because it's not your bees wax.  Jerkface needs to mind his own bees wax. To each their own dollface, to each their own." I was pleased to watch her process the teasing from a more empowered perspective. There is nothing wrong with a six year old girl wearing a Justin Bieber T-shirt, especially when we just went to his wonderful concert a few weeks ago. That was an amazing experience for my kid and she loves the music. It infuriates me that a six year old jerk boy feels it necessary to rain on her parade. What does he know? Not a damn thing. Last time I checked Jerkface wasn't the authority on fashion and music, I know this because that would be me...kidding. I sent my child to school that day with the absolute best tidbit of advice that I could give her.  "Jerkface is what we call a "hater" and let me tell you what haters do. Haters gonna hate! There's nothing we can do about it, except ignore them. Their hate isn't worth your time."

She went to school that day and she gave Jerkface a piece of her mind. She also shared with him this adorable bit of information, "My mom was very mad at you for making fun of my shirt." I was glad that she let him know that she told me. I volunteer in her class once a week so I know exactly who Jerkface is. I do reading tests with him every week. When I went to school yesterday, he was on his best behaviour with me. I didn't say a word about the teasing, but I could tell he thought I would. I was glad that my daughter handled it herself. This is probably the first of many incidents of this nature. I'm genuinely trying to instill my child with self confidence and I hope she grows up to be self assured. I don't want her to question her opinions or to be ashamed of liking the things she likes. Most of all I don't want her to ever believe that any one elses opinion of her matters more than her own. She is a sweetheart. She is pure and full of all the great stuff that makes a little girl giddy and innocent. If someone tries to rain on her parade, I intend to hold a giant umbrella over her.

 I asked my daughter if she hates anything enough to become a hater and her answer was perfect. "I hate throwing up frosted animal crackers. That was so gross and I won't ever eat them again! I hate them!" Now there's something worth hating. Take note Jerkface.

Thursday, January 17, 2013

Gold Rush ( I heart Tony Beets)

Discovery Channel plays a little show every Friday night called Gold Rush. The first season was merely a small camera crew following a small group of down on their luck, wanna be gold miners. These guys new the basics of how to mine for gold and they seemed to have fairly good knowledge of how to run Dozers and Excavators. The season was full of mishaps and tiny bits of glory. It was the learning curve of figuring out what NOT to do when mining for gold that made the show so entertaining. People liked it, people watched, Discovery noticed.

Grandpa Schnabel
We started watching the show because Dave, like so many other men, has a deep desire to mine for gold. Any man I speak with about the show seems to have it too. It doesn't appeal to me as a thing I'd like to try one day. Now I'm not suggesting that I have more "normal" dreams (to be the One Last Lonely Girl chosen to be serenaded on stage by the Biebs), but the panning for gold thing seems to be a common one for men. It's all part of the American Dream. This explains the allure of the show....and grandpa Schnabel. If you don't know grandpa Schnabel, you really are missing out.

Fast forward to season three and the guys you first met are still there, still dumb as hell and hilarious. But now they have a couple of other mining crews and the show is produced on a much larger scale. They also show clips of a VERY successful Alaskan gold miner by the name of Tony Beets. I adore that crazy ass Tony Beets. I just want to hang out with him, and pick his brain a bit. He has some sort of rock star appeal about him. I don't find him attractive, but I want to be around him. He's a no nonse gold mining bad ass.  As much as I love Gold Rush, I would be a hardcore fan of a Tony Beets show as well (hint hint ). 

We still watch the show, but it's almost tiring just watching it. Each episode is an hour long and the season will probably have about 15 episodes. The trouble is that I have a sneaking suspicion that there might only be three solid hours of footage to fill the whole season.  This of course means that there will be tons of commercials and tons of repeating. After every commercial break, there will be at least two minutes of catch up narration. You could seriously start watching the show for the first time today and be fully caught up on everything that has happened over the last two seasons and the start of this one. 

The good thing about it is that Discovery Channel has targeted an audience that not many do. Those with short term memory loss and those with Alzheimer's. My memory is poor, and I LOVE to hear Tony Beets wisdom, so I'll keep watching.

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Bachelor Sean

A while back, I wrote a post about Emily's season of the Bachelorette where I posted a photo of my cousin Dallin. My cousin is the long lost twin of Bachelor Sean. It's uncanny really. The first time I saw Sean on the screen, both my husband and I saw the crazy resemblance right away. I'll refresh your memory.

Sean, the bachelor

My cousin

Which one is which? It's crazy right?
I needed to remind people of this, because I'm can't be 100% certain, but I believe my cousin is available ladies!

So I FINALLY got to watch the season premiere of the Bachelor! Last night I was able to see the second episode without any additional Comcast drama. I think he's going to have a great season. Dave and I both agree that he has a good looking bunch of girls. Even Tierra," the crazy one", is pretty. Sean seems WAY into this girl. He gave her a rose one minute after he met her. This is unheard of! I suspect he wants to get into her pants, but they have good "connection" so far. I can't tell yet if the other girls are jealous about that or if she is just a difficult personality. It looks like some serious drama will be coming with her next week.

We also saw the return of Kaci B., previously from Ben's season. Dave was VERY pleased to see her. He has a Bachelor crush on her for sure.He is stunned that she is even on the show, "I seriously doubt she any problem finding a date". He thinks she's good looking but she also has what he refers to as "the cute factor". I take it to mean she has a fun, bubbly personality that makes her adorable to all. Last night was the first time that Dave ever asked me if it bugs me that he thinks she's so cute. Why would I care? You can't be married to someone for a long time and honestly believe that you are the only person your spouse could ever possibly find attractive. Even I think Kaci B. is "Adorbs"! I think she seems like a fun girl and she comes across as a bit more real than some of the other gals.

Kaci B. Proof that my husband isn't blind!
I was pleased to see that my husband still has Zero interest in any blonds and anyone tall (I am fun size and dark haired) This season Sean has a model competing for his heart and she is gorgeous, but Dave made it clear that there is something he just doesn't find attractive about her. He finally pinpointed it by saying, "Maybe she's just too long". I found that hilarious and heart warming. My giant (6'5") likes his women fun size. I can't yet tell if Sean is into the model.

Just from the first two episodes, I have made my predictions for which girls will be left standing at the end. These are premature, but I'm usually right. In addition to the girls below, I hope that Kaci B. is there and there is also a possibility that Tierra will remain as well.

                        Ashlee                                                                                 Desiree

                       Lesley                                                                                   Lindsay

Monday, January 14, 2013

What a Great Book!

I just finished another amazing Kate Morton book. That's a great thing and a huge problem all at once. I loved this book. I got so sucked into this book. While I was reading like crazy, desperate to figure out what happens, I accidentally finished the book. I hate when this happens. There's no way to keep it going AND know how it ends. It always comes to a bitter sweet end. Kate Morton is such a great writer. I really can't emphasize this enough. She has the perfect formula to hold my attention. Her description is perfect, not too much (which I HATE because I have my own imagination) and not too little. Her mysteries are subtle and compelling. It is so easy to get in touch with her characters and to fall in love right along side them.

I desperately hope that there is another beautiful story developing inside her mind. I don't know how she could possibly turn out yet another wonderful book. Fingers crossed, she's working on it. Lucky for me I have two more of her books to read that allude me at the library. I had The House at Riverton waiting for me on the hold shelf, but my daughter was really sick this last week and I absolutely could not go pick it up. I am saddened to say that some other citizen of my county is now in possession of my next read. DAMN IT!!!!

In the meantime, a lady that works at the library found me a promising filler book. I've never read a book by Lisa See, but so far, so good. I started Shanghai Girls yesterday and I'm moving along at a good pace. It's the story of two sisters that live in Shanghai in the 1930's and even though the culture is moving away from arranged marriages, her family had no choice but to "sell" the two girls into arranged marriages.  The girls are spirited and desperate to live modern lives, but they also have little other choice, but to go obediently into something they dread. It's very interesting so far. Though I'm enjoying this one, I am still eagerly awaiting my next Kate Morton book!

Thursday, January 10, 2013

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

If a Comcast Tire Gets Slashed, I Did It! (Except that I didn't)

Like any other red blooded American woman, I was so pumped to watch the big season premiere of The Bachelor. My entire day was just that much sweeter because of the anticipation. Who doesn't like having something fun to look forward to? I live for that stuff, the little stuff.
So imagine my devastation when I sat down at 9:00 to watch the big show, and I don't find my show title on the stupid DVR list. I was sad, but that quickly turned to rage. Dave was pissed off too, but he talked me off the ledge. This horribleness has happened enough times over the last few years that I have finally learned not to pick up the phone and scream at my local Comcast agent. It gets you no where.
I'm aware that we have other viewing options. We can watch it online at ABC.com and we always have Hulu, but damn it all to hell, I wanted to sit on my bed and watch it on the big screen. I pay for that luxury. I want the option to forward through every single commercial, and most of all I wanted to know every last detail about the show this morning. Comcast and their ridiculous "Xfinity" have literally killed my joy.
We had no other choice but to watch a bizarre Netflix movie instead. We watched Savages and I didn't really like it. Maybe it was all the awkward porn like moments of the movie, or maybe it was just my depression over missing the first episode of The Bachelor. Comcast can never make it up to me. I'm that disgruntled. Hopefully we can avoid a mishap like this next week.

Sunday, January 6, 2013

5 Bieber Lessons

Thing I learned at the Justin Bieber concert:

1. At some point, before I die, I must be chosen as the "One Less Lonely Girl" at a Justin Bieber concert. I know this is a Longgggggg shot, but it has officially become my only dream on my Bucket List. The throne like chair, the flowers, the serenade and the kiss on the cheek. I must have it! I don't care when or how it happens, but I can officially say that it would complete me.

She got lucky this time. Next time I must get chosen!
2. Hyperactive, screaming, euphoric girls make the best fans. I feel bad for any star that has a straight, male fan base. There is no point in being a star unless you've targeted the crazy, young, female demographic. Lady fans are amazing, myself very much included. We are devoted and the majority of us are completely off the deep end. Passionate and spastic, there is no better way to be. That's my new life motto, "Go hard like a spazz, or go home!"

3. Great concert tickets are totally worth the money. If you love a performer enough to buy a ticket for their show, it's time to go big or go home. I'll wear cheap jeans, I'll use coupons at the grocery store and I'll skip restaurants all together. That stuff isn't worth the money to me. A great seat at a loud, energy filled, spectacular live show, is worth dropping a large sum of money on. That's the stuff that makes a great life. That's where memories are made. Totally worth every single penny!
Sidenote- This can't be said for a Madonna show. The tickets were outrageous and she was a rude, thankless, miserable, self absorbed bitch. I wanted to slap the shit out of her on more than one occasion. What a let down she was,and we had traveled to Vegas for the show.
Justin Bieber was nothing but gracious and thankful. The attitude of gratitude makes him so lovable.  He went to Primary Children's Hospital before the show to visit a little girl named Millie that has Leukemia for the third time. She had tickets to the show, but she was too sick to go. Justin heard about her (via Twitter and Facebook) and took time to go see her, sing to her and take some pictures with her. The photos made me smile and cry. I can't imagine how overjoyed this little girls parents were and how grateful they were for this kind gesture. What a wonderful way to renew this little girls spirit and show her that she's important and cared about. I'm sobbing as I write this, but that's how much of an impact that Justin's kindness has had. He's a role model. Take note Madge, cause you sucked. Here is the news story link. Very worth watching.

4. I'm so grateful to have a best friend whose daughter is the same age as mine. I've been to so many dance clubs, strip shows, and concerts with Russie, and
 we 've had some amazing times (Kid Rock in Jamaica!), but I think we can both agree that taking our daughters to Justin Bieber was one of the best nights we've had. Passing the torch to the next generation of lively, giddy girls. It was a full circle moment of greatness, AND we got to see the Biebs!

5. I'm obsessed with the Biebs....but I already knew that.

I was so excited that I went into a crafting frenzy! I'm so pleased with the results.