Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Award Shows, Who Cares?

Yesterday morning, I had a rare moment where no kids were home and I wasn't in a mad rush to take shower and go pick anyone up. I finished the dishes and did something I never do, I sat down and turned on the T.V. I had recorded the Screen Actors Guild Awards, a.k.a the SAG Awards (what an awful acronym). I hit play and waited to be entertained...still waiting.

I was able to sit through twenty minutes of it before I started wondering why I was wasting my time watching it. A giant light bulb lit up above my head and it occurred to me that I don't care about who wins these ridiculous awards. Once you officially don't care, the whole show looks different. You're able to look at all the pompous, arrogant, narcissistic actors and have a good laugh at them.

 Most of them are botoxed into oblivion. I'm not saying I'm anti-botox, but a dab will do ya if you know what I mean. These women (and men, let's be honest) are taking facial paralysis to a whole new level. Helen Hunt is unrecognizable. Would I be utterly disgusted if I witnessed the upper half of her face moving? Is that a grotesque sight that she's shielding me from?  It's laughable how intensely the red carpet community suffers from "First World Problems".

 Their demure gazes into the camera, the ridiculous poses, and the acceptance speeches that would have you believing the actors had cured cancer. "I'd like to thank my Hollywood spouse and my amazing agent and my brilliant cast!"  I don't think your spouse has anything to do with it. Let's give credit where credits due. Your first grade teacher who taught you how to read should be thanked and the writer who wrote the words that you repeated verbatim should also be thanked. Am I right? It's absurd. Yay for you actors, you are insanely talented for reading and being able to repeat what you read! And to top it all off, your face was totally paralyzed while you did it and your girdle like undergarments successfully strangled your body at the same time! Perhaps you were also successfully starving yourself while you did all this. Bravo!

The bad news is that I'm one of the people that would appear to care about the 42 yearly actor award ceremonies. If I don't care, who will?  I should mention that I was slightly entertained by a tiny bit of the show. At one point a presenter took a moment to thank all the men and women of the armed forces that are serving our country. She hoped that they would thoroughly enjoy the show from their barracks in the Middle East. I did laugh about that, not because I'm not grateful for our military and their service, I am. I found it hilarious because I couldn't get one man (my husband) to sit though two minutes of the SAG Awards, so I can't imagine thousands of men sitting in a room all giddy to watch the SAG Awards. I don't know if the military still has that "Don't ask, don't tell" policy, but I don't think a SAG Awards viewing party would be conducive to that policy....if you know what I mean.

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