It's plain and simple. I can't drive on mute. I have a few choice words that I can't stop using when I'm driving. All the other drivers on the road are only known to me as "dumbass". I don't know how or when it started, but here we are.
"Green means go dumbass! Are you color blind or what?"
"Hey dumbass, you aren't smart enough for talking and driving! Hang up the phone dumbass!"
"If you're turning, get in the freaking turn lane dumbass! Don't be shy now!"
"Oh poor dumbass, did you car not come equipped with blinkers?"
Sadly, my children are now very aware of what makes someone a good driver in mommy's eyes and also what makes someone an awful driver. All over town you can hear my children in the backseat saying, "Seriously DUDE! Are you being serious right now?" They have been sweet enough to replace dumbass with the kinder, "DUDE". "Is this dude trying to make us late for ballet? Go dude!" Sasha often makes references to Mario Kart and begs me to get into "Mini-turbo", which means she'd like me to draft someone until we get a little turbo boost of power, resulting in us passing the car super fast. This is the regular car chatter. It's reality right?
I, like everyone else on the planet, am super tough in the safe confines of my car. I doubt I'd be so mouthy if the other drivers could actually hear me. I like to imagine how I'd behave if there were no cars and we all traveled on bikes. Would I really be the brazen enforcer of my own personal rules of the road if the other bikers could hear me?
Yes I would. Move over dumbass, get out the way. The fast bikes ride on the left!!!
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