I am a world class dancer. Michael Jackson would have been proud to have me as a back up dancer. I am one of the worlds best bowlers. I could be a professional bowler if I wanted to. And my race car driving skills are way above average. You don't even want to attempt to beat me in dirt bike racing, especially if the race takes place inside the Coconut Mall or at Yoshi Falls.
If you've ever met me, you would know that all these things are true....in the Nintendo Wii world! But in the real world...not so much. My mind has been viciously deceived by these games. Now would be a good time to fess up and just admit that I am a 33 year old, stay at home mom gamer. Why let my five year old beat me at Mario Kart when I can use that time to train her to be the best. My girl is a champion! She is my wing-girl. We are Mario Kart Internet champions! She wasn't born a Nintendo Champion, she trained good and hard to become one. And yes, I am very proud! Video game talent is serious currency around this house.
In reality, I've never even ridden a dirt bike. I know I'd have a back case of "whiskey throttle" if I ever tried. In real life, I do love to bowl, but I my average score is 100. And I'm overjoyed with that score. I'm a pretty good dancer, but I lack the memory needed to remember choreography. Oh hell yes I killed it on the St. Joe drill team, and I was a cheerleader, until I quit a few months into it. I loved quitting things in High School! I never really considered that as a cheerleader, I would be required to attend all school sporting events. That was a bit of a time-suck for a boy crazy teen. But back to the point, the Michael Jackson Wii dance game has led me believe that I am one of the best dancers on the planet. It feels really nice, but it isn't even remotely true.
Dave and I play this Wii billiards game and we are amazing! We decided to go on a real date and go out and play pool for real. We are awful. We were both getting pretty irritated with the truth of it. A few games in, we were improving, but our lack of real skills stung a bit. On the Wii, I can get three balls in off the break and sometimes I clean the table before Dave even takes a shot. That is a far cry from what really happens when I play pool in reality. I scratched on the break and there were many turns where I didn't even come close to getting my targeted ball in the pocket. It was awful to have my ego be destroyed.
I guess the point is this, if you are organizing an Indy car race team don't even give me a test lap on the track. I'm good and small, but I can't be your champion driver. Especially if there is shifting involved, and I'm pretty sure there's no such thing as an automatic Indy car. I'm embarrassed to admit it, but I'm probably useless as a real life race car driver. And don't even think of taking me onto a battlefield. I can barely figure out my Wii machine gun on Call of Duty. You wouldn't want to be anywhere near me with the real thing.
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