Back when I was young and single I went out...a lot. I met lots of weird dudes and went on some crazy bad dates. There are lots of stories from this part of my life, but this one guy in particular was really bad, and sort of entertaining in hind sight.
I met him at the bar of course, but he seemed really straight laced and I'd only seen him out on the town this one time. He was a couple years older than me and he was friends with some of my friends so I thought he would be a great guy to go out on a real date with. We chatted at the bar and exchanged numbers. He waited the standard 4 or 5 days to call, but he did call and we talked for a long time. We decided we would go out (on a real date) on the upcoming weekend. He suggested a place in SLC that he wanted to take me for dinner and he said I should think of something else fun for us to do. This sounded fun and totally different from the standard O-town date that consisted of watching a movie or drinking beer with the guys friends. He arrived at my apartment on time and away we went. He was really "artsy" which I guess I though was cool at the time, today "artsy" would be a giant RED FLAG (overly emotional), but back then it seemed interesting and cool. We went to this pottery place by the restaurant and painted pottery together. This sounds horribly cheesy, but it was really a good time. When we were ready to leave the pottery place, he sort of faded into the background. I took the initiative and paid for that portion of the date. It wasn't cheap, but it was fun and I didn't mind sharing the expense of the date. We went to some strange Thai place to eat and the food was okay. We were getting along really well and it seemed like the date was going really good. Then the waitress brought the bill and he made NO effort to touch it or even look at it. I wanted to wait it out and give him an opportunity to reach for it. I even went to the ladies room to make it obvious that it was time for him to pick it up, pay it and we would be on our way. I got back to the table and he put his jacket on and still didn't touch the ticket. This was SO AWKWARD! So what else could I do, I picked it up and paid it. He seemed very comfortable with all of this. He even casually said thank you and opened the door for me. He put his arm around me as we walked to the car. I was trying to be calm, but I was getting pissed off inside. I've spent some time with some shady dudes in my day, but this was crazy. I rarely, if ever paid for my own beers, so treating some older guy to a night on the town was really strange. I assume we are done for the night (I'm running out of money) but he just insists that we MUST check out this little obscure coffee shop (he called it a cafe and I wanted to smack his face, but I resisted). I don't know why, but I said okay to this. We went in, he ordered a drink for himself and paid for his own drink because I ordered nothing and even Weirdo must have known it would be rude to ask for mommy's wallet at that point. We sat down and some awful singer played guitar and annoyed me further. All indications told me that Weirdo was having a fabulous date night. He seemed very into the date. I felt like I was on a totally different planet than him. It was crazy strange. So he finishes his drink and we leave. For me, it was a long drive home, but like I said, this was a big success for Weirdo. Did I mention that I'm driving on this date (hello gas money). So he's playing some depressing Emo CD in my car that he just loves. I don't care for it, but I know this will all be over soon, so I allow his crap music to play. We get back to my apartment and I sort of think he believes he's going to come into my house and we are going make-out or something....I shut this down at the door. I go inside and I'm relieved it's over. I'm sure I told every girl I knew about Weirdo and they were all horrified. A few days passed and Weirdo CALLS ME. He asked if he could take me to a movie. He suggested this in a sweet way and it sounded like he was going to take me out this time. I said okay, for one reason...I couldn't wait to see what would happen next. Maybe the first date was a fluke. Maybe his debit card got stolen or his bank account was in over draft. Maybe the line at the ATM was crazy long and he wanted to show up on time. I had no idea, but I couldn't resist the urge to see what kind of bullshit Weirdo would pull next. This time he drove and we went to the movie theater. The movie was Fear and Loathing In Las Vegas. He walked up to the ticket booth and bought one ticket, then he politely scooted over to allow the lady to buy her own. I could not believe it! I am still seething over the $100 bucks I dropped on homeboy the weekend earlier. I bought a ticket, and I steered clear of the concessions stand. I just couldn't afford to treat Weirdo to a large popcorn and coke. I hated the movie almost as much as I hated my company. It finally ended and I didn't say a whole lot on the ride home. He parked in my parking lot and I hurried and said "thanks, see ya." and jumped out of the car and went into my apartment. He called a few days later and I said I wouldn't go out with him again. He had left his crap CD in my car and wanted to know if he could come by and get it. I said, "Of course you can, it's yours" (just like that money that used to be in my wallet was mine). As soon as I got off the phone I changed into my workout clothes and wrote Weirdo a note that I taped to my front door. Then I left. It read:
" Weirdo, I had to leave, but I left your CD in the giant green dumpster at the edge of the parking lot! Have fun digging for it you cheap ass! Never call me again and if see me out in public, turn around and walk the other way."
I've never seen or spoken to Weirdo since. I will keep his name a secret because I know for a fact that some people who will read this are Facebook friends with him. I will admit I briefly considered acquiring several cats and becoming a junior high school P.E. teacher after that experience. Then I went out on the town and met new guys that gave me hope again.