This next one was awful too, only it was worse because it was a blind date. A "friend" really wanted to set me up with a relative of hers. She was wonderful and I thought if this certain someone is anything like her, I would be totally up for it. I would date the man version of her for sure! This was of course my first mistake. I'm smart enough to realize that DNA doesn't exactly work like that. But I was very optimistic! I can get along with almost anyone and it isn't tough for me to have a conversation with a complete stranger. What did I have to lose? I was in!
So this "friend" gave the mystery man my number and the whole thing was set into motion. He called shortly there after and just like my other bad date with Weirdo, the phone conversation went great. We talked for a while and I think we decided to go out the next night. I was so excited and I got dressed all cute and I was anxiously awaiting his arrival. He was a bit late, but no big deal, at least he made it. I opened the door and did my 10 second evaluation and knew instantly that I wanted no part of this. I went into blind date panic mode. If you've ever been on a bad one, this is totally familiar to you. If you've been lucky enough to never experience this, here's a run down of what happens in your head:
First you totally question your friendship with the person who set you up on this date. You wonder if she secretly hates you or she just thinks very little of you. You want desperately to pause everything and call your best friend for moral support and advice. You are thinking of ANY POSSIBLE way you can get out of this, even though it has just begun. You are waiting for Ashton Kutcher to jump out from behind bushes and yell "you just got Punk'd!". But he doesn't and you have to suck it up and deal.
I was stuck and I would make it work for the next few hours and be done after that. He opened the truck door for me and as I got in, I noticed something slightly disturbing.....OPEN CONTAINER ALERT! He had an open Budweiser tall boy in the cup holder. Upon further inspection I saw that there was an empty on the floor, and and four more on the floor ready for consumption. He started the truck and grabbed his main open beer and was now actively "drinking and driving". I'm no alcohol prude, but even I know this was illegal and way out of line.....especially for a first date. He was polite however, and he promptly offered the lady a beer. I declined my road beer and suddenly realized how bad of an idea this blind date had been. What the hell was I going to tell the worlds worst matchmaker when saw her next. There was no good outcome. Would I inform her that her relative is a raging alcoholic? Would I be able to tell her that I found her blood relative very unattractive. I put on my seat belt, really tight, and began to understand the pickle I was in. I knew immediately that homeboy was gonna get good and drunk on this date and that would be good and bad. The good part was that he probably wouldn't remember much about it, and I could use his drunkenness as a grade-A excuse for why we would never speak again! The bad part was that I was going to have to go for a ride with Mr. Open Container. He was driving just fine, but I knew we would have to make it quick. We went to the comedy club. He had another beer there and I politely declined going anywhere else after that. He drove me home, I pulled the good old, "Thanks, bye" routine and I ran like lightning to my door. So the date was over! I sent drunk ass on his way, because I was so overjoyed that he was no longer my problem. I was just glad to be rid of him. I never mentioned the blatant drinking and driving to the horrible matchmaker. I just evaded any and all conversations about the date. Things between she and I were awkward after that. But the upside of the story is that I totally learned my lesson.
I would NEVER EVER say okay to a blind date again! I don't know why I got into that situation in the first place. I never had any trouble finding guys to go out with, and I was practically an expert at finding weird ones on my own.