Thursday, February 2, 2012

Doin' the Dishes

I am able to keep a very tidy house.......when I live alone that is. Today, I share a home with a man and two kids. Let me rephrase that, I share a home with Cuppy MaGhee and the piglets.

Cuppy is a man who loves to get a new cup every time he's thirsty. His dinner water glass, couldn't possibly morph into his T.V. time Kool-aid glass. That would be gross. It had water in it before. It's obviously totally dirty now. I find this annoying because I'm the one who's always gathering the glasses from all over the house and washing them. In the keg party of pay for one cup and one cup is all you shall get. Keep an eye on it, you will need it later.
About a week ago, I discovered a very scary truth. I was probably in a screaming kids induced bad mood, so Dave decided to help out with the dinner dishes. Earning points you know. He added a few items to the dish washer and decided it was full enough to start it. He reached under the kitchen sink and found an Electrasol tab and unwrapped it. Then he looked a little confused. He opened the little detergent lid in the dishwasher and he looked over at me and said, "This is where the soap goes, right?". I said yes and made a joke like, "have you never started the dishwasher before?" And he said, "Well, not at the new house." SHUT THE FRONT DOOR DAVE! WE HAVE LIVED HERE FOR TWO YEARS!!!! It was just what I had suspected all along. It seemed like I was doing all the dishes up in here and I was right. It's like you step through my front door (no Delorian or flex capacitor needed) and you're transported to 1950, except I'm quite a bit more mouthy than June Cleaver and my jeans are from Wet Seal.

My kids are pretty standard when it comes to mess making. If they go upstairs and entertain themselves, I can get the main floor looking really nice. All the toys get put away, all the laundry gets folded and put away. The kitchen counters get cleared off and the sink will be dish free. I'll be feeling like a real success, until I go upstairs. The kids have destroyed the playroom, there are a million legos or mega-blocks all over the stairs and there are ALWAYS random, discarded socks on the floor. Keep your socks on all day for one freaking day already. It is so easy to do, yet impossible for my kids. ( My 5 year old can't even keep her clothes on all day. How do I know we've been home longer than 20 minutes ? Because Sasha suddenly appears in the kitchen wearing nothing but a princess evening gown with plastic clip-clop heels. Who knows where the hell her abandoned school clothes are?) So I don't even bother with the fresh upstairs mess at that point because by now it's probably time to make dinner. So I cook something in the kitchen while the kids destroy my previously tidy living room. The family eats dinner and the kitchen is totally wrecked, yet again. My kids could create crumbs out of thin air. Apple slices make crumbs, yogurt makes crumbs. I can't make heads or tails of it. It's an endless cycle. There is no time to enjoy the clean house before it's a mess again. I am chasing the end of the clean house rainbow everyday. I don't think that pot of gold will ever be mine. It can't be mine, because it belongs to my sister. If a cleaner, more organized home exists, I can assure you it's a model home with no residents. Where the hell is that strand of my DNA? (in the bottom of the toy box probably, right next to Barbie's long lost Prom shoe)

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