A Realistic Valentines Day Card

Dave and I love each other, but we are not hopeless romantics. We've had some great moments, but we just are not that cheese ball couple that goes over the top with all that. Ridiculous romantic gestures make me laugh more than swoon. If Dave came home on Valentine's Day and presented me with a heart shaped box of chocolates and a dozen long stem roses, I would smack him. I hate mystery chocolates and I'm not up for trying to figure out what horrible filling will be inside each one. Most of them are filled with rotten ass and it's just never been my thing. And the over priced flowers.......don't even get me started. I'm not a hospice nurse! I don't want to watch flowers creep slowly into certain death on my kitchen counter. I'd rather have a gift card to the fabric store so I can at least amuse myself with the lost money from our joint bank account. I am thankful that I'm married to a practical man who understands me so well. And guess what, he doesn't need any of that garbage to validate our relationship either. I do like a nice card, or better yet a letter that says something real and hopefully nice. Buying cards at the grocery store is such a pain in the ass when you have an aversion to cheese ball romance. I don't want to see a sunset, or satin and roses on a card. BARF!!!!!!! Where are the real cards? Where's the card that reads : Thanks for putting up with my bullshit and letting me get in on with you once a week! You're great and I still love you!

Wouldn't it be nice to have a real-life greeting card section at Hallmark? I'd love it because it's right up my ally. My card to my husband would read like this:

Thanks for letting me be the boss of you. Our marriage would be so hard if you needed to run the show. I love that you trust me enough to step aside and let me run your entire life. I love that you have grown to appreciate all of my reality shows. I know you didn't watch T.V. before we met, but you really do get invested in The Bachelor, and I know you care who gets voted off on Survivor. You did that for me and it means a lot to me. I appreciate that you will stand in line at the JoAnn's cut table for me while I shop for fabric. I don't have the patience to wait and you know it. I love that you've accepted Justin Bieber into your world without any hesitation. The children and I are grateful that you can sing along with us in the car without feeling ashamed. I also love that you never go hunting....I think that would annoy me. I don't need any dead animals staring me down while I tidy up the living room. Thanks for not having a lot of feelings. I love that about you. You are a man, and you don't take it personal if I have to say some unpleasant things when I'm pissed off at you. You have a thick skin and your needs are as simple as a cave mans. I love this about you. I chose well! Happy Valentines Day!

Have you EVER found a card like this at Target? Me neither.