Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Does this make me a book snob?

Right at this moment, society has decided that the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy is the BIG THING!  I read the first book and it was all that I had been told it would be.  It was pretty good.  It wasn't full of twists and turns, it was full of sex!   It wasn't great writing, but I was curious enough to continue, so I finished the first book.  I have gotten more than half way through book two and I'm bored!  I am finding it difficult to finish this one. 

Certain things about the book are really starting to bug me!  I have a friend, who also reads a lot of books, who also finds this series a bit annoying.  I swear on my life neither of us are book snobs, but when you read books written by great, imaginitive writers with tons of writing experience and great editors, you start to get a little spoiled. We had a talk about it and here are the points we find so irritating about the Fifty Shades series.

Inner Goddess.........oh my hell I will lose it if I hear this term used again.  It's cheesey, especially when it's used repeatedly.  So when I'm forced to read that  Anna's Inner Goddess is doing back flips, I start to get a little bugged.

"Laters baby".........If a man said these words to me, I would hope I heard him wrong.  Laters??????  What is with the "S" at the end of the word later?  I don't get it and I find it annoying.  The thought of women all over the world finding this sexy is mind boggeling.  I would throw up in my mouth if  a man said this me, especially if he thought he was being really sexy.  It bothers me.

Anna's lip biting......Okay, we get it!  Christian gets super horny when Anna bites her lip.  We don't need to be reminded of it on every third page.

Anna's never hungry and Christian wants her to eat!...........Just eat already!  If your billionaire boyfriend's chef makes you a meal, just freaking eat it.  The book never once says that you are anorexic, so eat the damn sandwich.  She acts like a toddler in this sense.  Maybe I'm so sick of telling my own kids to eat their dinner again and again, but this bothers me when refering to an adult.   People eat food.  People get hungry.  There is no way in hell that Anna doesn't eat anything all day and then she can't possibly stomache a sandwich.  Just eat the food already, you dumb bitch!

Jose (the token hispanic boy who has a crush on Anna)......... The Jose character is so clearly drawn from Jacob the werewolf (Twilight series).  Christain vs. Jose doesn't even come close to Edward vs. Jacob.  I think it's so stupid that Jose is even in the story at all.  It seems so obvious that his place in the book comes from the influence of the Twilight series.  The poor brown boy vs. the super rich white boy.  I hope this isn't going to be a theme in all new books.  It only works in Twilight because one is a werewolf and one is a vampire.

And last, but certainly not least.....
Anna the virgin orgasm machine........GIVE ME A FREAKING BREAK ALREADY!  I realize that the book is a work of fiction, but Anna's 0-60 in 2 seconds, sexual evolution is absurd.  I wouldn't be surprised if the next chapter involves a trip to Christain's unicorn farm where he also keeps a large aquarium full of mermaids.  Maybe Santa could take them there on his sleigh!

P.S.  The movie will have to be a porno.  I don't see how this could be made into a movie without it being X-rated.

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