Monday, April 16, 2012

The Big Tubs

I'm a shower gal. I grew up in a shower house. My mom didn't drink a glass of wine and read a novel in the tub every night. Maybe this is the reason that I don't require a tub in my adult life. I'm not one of those people who goes nuts for big tubs. My last house didn't even have a tub in the master bathroom. It had a large shower and that's it. I was sold. I didn't miss the tub at all. My current house has a big tub, but for the last two years, it's been more of a pain in the ass than anything else. I would have loved to have sawed it in half and thrown it out the window. It's just too big and it takes up WAY to much space. There is another huge reason to hate is a giant dust collector. If you have one and you don't use it, that all it turns into.

Our tub comes equipped with jets and I have learned from all the house hunter television shows that this is a major plus. I think I'd prefer one of those simple, chic claw foot tubs. They seem much cozier and they require much less water. I swear on my life I have to empty the hot water tank just to get the water above the jets. DO NOT TURN ON THE JETS WITHOUT WATER TOTALLY COVERING THEM! I learned this the hard way. It's mass chaos and it induces more panic than relaxation. Trust me here.

I have also been informed that the jets need to be cleaned. There is some special way to do this and I can't comment on it, because I don't have the first clue what it is. My jets are dirty I guess....and I couldn't care less. I have enough cleaning tasks on my "to do" list without becoming a slave to the "dust bowl", my nickname for the tub.

So I'm watching this new Celebrity House Hunters show and I noticed that Carnie Wilson and Cory Feldman were going nuts for the houses with jetted tubs. It was a requirement for them. All their tub enthusiasm got me thinking that maybe I should give the tub a chance. So that's what I did. I filled that sucker up and hit the jet switch. It was actually really nice. My house is colder than a polar ice cap, so that aspect of the experience sucked. Also, I can't really relax because I'm already starting to panic about my water bill. Then it's on to the kids in Africa who don't have clean drinking water. Then the ice crystals start forming on my eyelashes and it's time to call it a night and be done with this bath.

So yeah, I won't be requiring a monster tub in any subsequent homes. I'd rather drink liquor and read novels on my bed. That seems to be more relaxing for my crazy mind.

SIDE NOTE: Cory Feldman has delusions of grandeur. In his mind, he is probably much more famous than Brangelina. He needs gates and security up the yin yang because he needs to keep the paparazzi away. It's always 1989 in that brain of his. It was comical to watch. He needs so much privacy that he is filming his house hunt....and showing the layout of his new pad on T.V.

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