Thursday, January 26, 2012


Sweats are crazy. It's one outfit with multiple meanings. They are comfortable, warm and functional, yet put into the wrong context they can go real bad, real fast. My little family wears sweats on a regular basis. We rock them for warmth because heating the palace isn't on my agenda. My two year old can't even nap without the sweats on. Nothing too fancy here. I like mine from Old Navy, Dave's are custom made by yours truly because a freakishly tall dude with super long arms can look very silly in standard issue sweats. The kids wear Walmart Granimals sweats which are very much the bomb-dot-com if you aren't already in the know. They wash up wonderfully and they are dirt cheap, so you can buy them in every color.
Sweats at home are great. When your "at home" sweats turn into day clothes, that's when they can be interpreted in many ways. I'd say there are 3 very different messages that can be sent with this look:

1. I just left the gym sweats. This look says, " I just finished working out and my pits probably stink so keep your distance. I squat your body weight for a warm-up. Be warned, I might just throw you over my shoulders and squat you right now, just to stay loose. My hammies are burnin' and my hands are covered in calluses because fingerless leather gloves are for amateurs. I can't talk right now cause I gotta get my protein on. It's 10:15 which means one thing, sensible snack time. There's a quarter cup of raw almonds with my name on them and I gotta get the chicken out of the freezer so it's fully thawed by dinner time. I work out fool." This is obviously the only way to wear sweats in public with pride.

2.I just had a baby (within the last year). This look says, "Hey look, I refuse to wear those maternity pants now that the buns not in the oven. My pre-baby jeans don't fit at all and there is now way in hell I'm going to buy transition jeans, because I'm planning on losing all this weight by next week. I'll probably be even skinnier than before, so I'm wearing sweats now and saving all that jeans money for my new super duper skinny jeans that I'll need then. I've watched at least 3 P90X infomercials and once I work up the energy to order it, my guess is that I'll be crazy ripped in no time. If Jennifer Hudson can lose 90 pounds on Weight watchers, then I can lose 20, no problem. I'm too tired to start that right now though. I haven't slept longer than 3 hours in weeks. I've got tons of laundry to do and today's Ellen looks like it's gonna be a good one. Maybe I'll pump some breast milk while I watch it....I've heard that burns loads of calories." This is a shit time for every woman. You are dead tired, super emotional and that squishy skin that used to be your "abs" is so demoralizing. Wear your sweats in public and get through it girl!

3. I don't give a f#%! but I gotta head into Walmart for supplies. This look says, "I need me some Mountain Dew real bad, cause nothing washes down Totino's pizza rolls better. I may or may not have showered recently, but you can be damn sure I didn't exert the effort to wash my hair. I am wearing sweats as "day clothes" because they were in the pile closest to my bed when I woke up today. I dropped my self-esteem and my pride years ago. I watch every season of The Biggest Loser and I eat a sleeve of Chips Ahoy while I watch it. I don't worry about running into anyone out in public, because I look so rough that I'm nearly unrecognizable. I have no shame and I don't even own a mirror. What's the point?" This is a sad case indeed. An intervention by Stacy and Clinton from TLC's What Not to Wear, is almost the only hope for these folks.

And there you have it. One outfit, many meanings.


  1. You are great! I love your blog and your humor! Keep it up cuz, you make me smile everyday!

  2. Pretty funny I always pack my sweats when I go to Utah me and my sisters call it our cabana wear. I love how you can just wear them anywhere and not get a second look. Although even if I didnt work out I do the gym ponytail to try and make people think thats what I actually did that day.I do have standards rather be a 1 than a 3.

  3. RLMFAO!!!!!!!! LOVE LOVE, And the mom's that show up at school at 3:30 with them still on... Ya love that too!!

  4. LOVE this!! I find the day is usually half over by the time I shower from the gym...I know, it's disgusting. Keep it up, you're and always make me smile :-)