The other morning, my shower ended abruptly! Like "I guess I'm leaving this conditioner in ALL day", abruptly. What happened you ask? My two year old, Lyla, walked into my bathroom and yelled her new favorite phrase, "I NEEEED GO TOILET!!!!!!!". This is a code phrase. What she is really saying is, "You have T-minus 30 seconds to get me onto the toilet or you have some yucky laundry and emergency mopping to do. You decide your fate. The clock is ticking...19, 18, 17, 16.....". I understand her clearly. So my shower ends and it's a mad dash to the bathroom. Once she's in place she tells me to shut the door because she needs, "PRY TOE SEE" (privacy). I have no problem with any of these events because it means we are done buying diapers! Time to celebrate in every home!
Let me congratulate myself by announcing that I have potty trained my second child! And by "potty trained" I mean, she is mostly potty trained. I take her into the bathroom 50 times a day and 95% of the time it all goes as planned. She has recently decided that public restrooms aren't for her, so we are only leaving the house in 2 hour increments. If she is watching a show that is super entertaining, like say, Elmo's Potty Time, she may or may not poop her big girl panties. She wears a diaper for her nap and she usually wakes up dry. She must wear a diaper to bed at night and she rarely wakes up dry (even though I'm waking her for a potty break in the middle of the night). But like I said, she's "POTTY TRAINED"!
I hope you understand the sub-text here. Potty training a two year old is not cut and dry (pun totally intended). People love to say that they've gotten it done, but if you stick around and listen, there is always a bit more to the story. There's always a "but" or an "except". This is my opinion and it keeps me sane (don't go bursting this bubble for me).
I am a pretty good parent, but I am a complete and utter failure during the potty training process. It starts out really good. There are charts and stickers and small victories. The pull-ups are introduced and your child will slowly warm up to that idea. Next you have a totally dry day and you get ahead of yourself and whip out the big girl undies. Now you're really getting somewhere. Fast forward 5 hours and you are mopping pee off the kitchen floor and smoke is starting to come out of your ears. It's this terrible two steps forward, 10 steps back business. If you are control freak (me, me, me), your freak flag is flapping out of control at the top of the pole. You start the process again and several days into it, you try the big girl undies yet again. Then little one takes a dump in her Cinderella underwear and you just lose it. This was my reality a few weeks ago. I cried in front of my children. They weren't sure what to do at that point. I was wearing Kim Kardashian eye make-up that day and the sight of the black mascara tears running down my face was highly traumatizing for my oldest daughter. She talked me off the ledge (she's FIVE people) and I cleaned my face up and pulled it together. The minute Dave walked into the house that night, he was given the full story by my five year old before he even took off his jacket. I was feeling very stupid, but I can fully admit that I knew potty training would be my demise. I rarely ever cry, but I NEVER cry in front of the kids. After that day, I will be certain to skip the mascara all together if I'm feeling even remotely misty.
Fast forward two days and she is peeing on the pot consistently (wearing big girl panties yet again). I hate to think that my Tammy Faye Baker eyes were her motivation. I don't think I'm having anymore kids, but I swear on my life I have learned my lesson on this issue. If I had to do it again, I would try my best to relax and wait until she is ready to progress. You're never going to lay in bed at night regretting that you were too patient with your kid. LESSON LEARNED
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