Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Speaking of Celebrity Fit Club

Sebastian Bach! Not the composer, the former front man of the horribly named hair band, Skid Row. Sebastian was my lead singer du jour (I'm not ashamed to say this at all, because we all have one, mine just didn't happen to be Bret Michaels like yours was). After attending the Guns'n'rose - Skid Row concert in 1991 I was absolutely certain that I was madly in love with Sebastian. I thought he was the only dude on the planet that I could ever marry. I recall being super angry with a young male friend of mine who suggested that I wouldn't ever even meet him, let alone marry him. Seriously I was furious. This friend of mine was in love with Paula Abdul and lucky for him, she held up very well over the years. She may be certifiably CRAY CRAY, and she might take elephant tranquilizers, but let's be honest. She looks amazing for her age. So there you are Nik, you take the prize.

Fast forward twenty years to Sebastians stint on Celebrity Fit Club and it's safe to say I'm overjoyed that it wasn't meant to be. The years have not been especially kind to him, or his liver I'm sure. He's a "high miler". Which is to say, he's not super old, but he has way more miles on him than he should at this point. For instance, you aren't going to buy a 2001 Honda Civic with 400,000 miles on it. It's just not a good buy, even for a Honda. Most hair band lead singers age very badly. I suppose it's the drugs, alcohol and the AIDS that probably takes a toll on their former good looks. Bret Michaels (from the hair band Poison and the VH1 shame show "Rock of Love",if you've been living under a rock) is one of the few exceptions to the rule. He wears hair extensions under that bandanna, and I'm sure he is no stranger to the MAC counter. If a man that age is wearing eye liner, you can bet your bottom dollar that he's wearing foundation as well. But I'll give him credit, he looks surprisingly good for the life he's lived.

Back to Sebastian though. He did alright on Celebrity Fit Club, but there was no way he was gonna log enough time on the elliptical to erase the damage that had been done to his androgynous rocker face. He lost a few pounds but he didn't win me back. He did however make 8 weeks of Sunday nights fantastic, because I love to watch celebrity train wrecks! I will make it official and say that as a young girl, I did not have good judgement when it came to the fellas. Only 2 out of my top 5 celebrity crushes turned out to be a good pick.
1. Kirk Cameron- Out of his mind Crazy
2. Cory Haim - DEAD
3. Sebastian - Bloated and overall very icky (if you didn't gather that already)
4. Jordan Knight of New Kids on the Block - Not bad, not bad at all. I don't normally want to see a 40 year old man dancing and touring with the Backstreet Boys, but seriously, he is looking really good in comparison to the first 3.
5. Johnny Depp - My pride pick! The best thing that ever happened to the universe.

No comments:

Post a Comment