Friday, November 16, 2012

Gym Nudist

I don't usually go to the gym, but when I do it's for my sisters entertainment. She is VERY FIT and VERY STRONG. I'm totally fit when compared with normal folks, and I'd say I'm fairly strong for my size, but in the Crossfit section of the gym, I am not exceptionally strong at all, but I try my best and I never quit. My sister gets a giggle out of watching me get my ass kicked by Crossfit and I'm happy to oblige. The first time I went with her, I seriously thought that the warm up was the workout. I was dead wrong and frightened,but I push through and complete every task she throws and me and it's exhilarating honestly. You can't leave Crossfit without feeling like a little bit of a badass. At least I can't...and I 'm proud to say that I didn't even feel like barfing after today's workout and that's a new experience. Also, I had no trouble walking immediately following the workout. This too is new and wonderful.

All of the horribleness will hit me tomorrow. I'll get out of bed and feel as though I've been trying to recover from some awful accident. Like perhaps maybe a bus hit me and left me for dead. No joke, the last time I did Crossfit, sleeping hurt for the following week. I COULD NOT raise my arms above my head. It's bizarre, but the thought process goes like this: I'm scared to go to Crossfit, then suddenly my fear transforms into me being totally pumped! Then there's the workout high that happens while you're doing it, followed by the nausea. Then you feel like a badass until the pain starts. Then you think there's something seriously wrong with your body and you might need to see a doctor. Then you swear off Crossfit and tell yourself that you are more of a Yoga gal, even though you've never stayed awake long enough to finish a single yoga workout. By this point the pain is getting duller each day and you start wondering how awesome it would be to age gracefully in a crossfit body. Who wouldn't want to be a ripped grandma? And then you go again and it all starts over.

Oh I see, you were waiting for the nudist part of the story....
So my sis and I walk into the locker room/bathroom after the workout to wash all the germs and what have you from our hands. As we turn the corner to enter the bathroom I was taken aback by the sight of a naked lady on the scale. The scale is near the back of the bathroom and you could only see the back of the naked lady, but still, I don't often see this sort of thing in a public bathroom because I hardly ever hit the gym. The sight of her brings back frightening memories of a childhood spent a the gym. Every time I went into the locker room, I'd get an unpleasant glimpse at what mother nature had in store for me. That was back in the eighties so it usually meant lots of jungle like lady bits. Some of these women were legit just changing their clothes, but some were taking it to a whole other level. The nudist/exhibitionist level where it's like they want you to be horrified. Ahhh the awful memories. "Get dressed already, this isn't nasty old whore house!", that was always my inner dialogue. And also, "Go home and shower there! You car can handle the minuscule amount of sweat in your pits!" BARF!!

So here we are again in the locker room with the naked lady on the scale, no biggie I'll just wash my hands and get on with life. But as we're about to leave the bathroom, she's still there. She has gotten off the scale, readjusted the weights on it and is now getting on for another go. Perhaps she's farted and wants to see if it's affected her precious weight. Nope, but she does it again and again and again. I was baffled but my sister assures me that this will go on for quite sometime because this gal is a fixture in the locker room. My sister has never seen her face, just her tanning bed butt and pony tail. I'm stunned as she tells me this story. We go grab a protein shake ( oh yes we did and it was delicious) and I can't take it anymore. I have to go back and see if she's still there. My sister is just as horrible as me, so we head back to the locker room. We turn the corner and BAM, naked crazy lady is still on the scale. Unbelievable! This is the crazy behaviour that belongs at home or in a mental institution. Did I mention that the lady is in fine shape. She's not obese, she's not anorexic.  She's a perfectly normal weight and she's nuts!
We didn't leave the bathroom. I couldn't leave. I had the perfect plan ready to go in my head. I told my sister what we had to do. "Okay, we need to get totally naked and go wait in line to use the scale! It will be hilarious. Let's do it okay! If you won't, I will. I have to do it. I can't leave this gym without getting naked and waiting in line to use it." My sister knew that she wouldn't be able to handle the hilariousness of that whole event. She would absolutely need to keep her clothes on, because she would surely pee her pants with laughter if I did it. So I got started. I took off my jacket and my shoes when suddenly I got the realization that I would have to tap the naked lady on her nude back to let her know I was waiting and I KNEW I couldn't do that without exploding in snorting laughter. So we left the locker room like normal people do! Until next time naked lady.

Nobody cares how much you weigh! NO ONE! Your weight doesn't make you attractive. Your attitude does and that's it. You either know that you're the bomb or you don't. A couple of pounds, and a few ounces aren't going to get you there. Confidence is the most attractive thing in the world.
That being said, I'm in no way trying to belittle this woman. I don't know her or anything about her. Ultimately, I felt sad for her. Weighing yourself again and again for over twenty minutes is a sign that this womans self esteem is in a bad place. I just wish every woman could understand that no one loves you or loathes you based on the number of pounds you weigh. It just doesn't matter at all.At my chubbiest, all the fellas thought I was fresh to death, simply because I believed that I was.

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