Tuesday, August 7, 2012

What Does Your Butt Look Like In Those Jeans?


So this morning, I was eating a bowl of oatmeal and perusing the eye candy I call, Pinterest, when I came across a photo of a normal woman's butt in two different pairs of jean.  I was intrigued enough to follow the link and read a blog post that was very informative.  This genius woman decided to do a covert fitting room photo shoot.  She and her husband went into the Gap and Old Navy and she tried on all their major syles of denim.  With every new cut, her husband took a picture of her butt in the jeans.  The photos tell a crazy story.  I don't think I'll ever buy a pair of jeans by myself again!

We all know the butt pockets on women's jeans make a huge difference on the overall appearance of your rear.  Teenie tiny high pockets can give the mom butt look and they can also just make your butt appear to be endlessly long.  Long butt is bad.  I normally call long butt, teacher butt.  I don't mean to offend any teachers, but in my head it will always be known as teacher butt.  When you spend that much time at a chalk board with your butt on full display to your class, you best be trying on a lot of jeans to make sure your pockets look appropriate to your butt size.  It's totally true, and I don't care what anyone thinks on that subject.

On the flip side, super long pockets or wide set pockets and can make your butt look ENORMOUS.  The super long pockets that end down on your thighs is the worst.  It give that melting butt illusion.  That's a sad sight indeed.  Let time and gravity melt your butt, don't do it to yourself with your jeans.

I think it's easy to spot these optical illusions in the photos on the blog I read today.  Especially when they are compared to pictures of the woman wearing really flattering jeans.  It really does look like she's lost 10 pounds in the flattering jeans.  It's obvious that any woman would prefer to look her best in her jeans, but finding the right fit and the right look is so hard.

A size 4 can look so different on two different body types.   Obviously all bodies aren't created equal and size charts are not even close to being universal.    I so desperately wish I could just see a photo of some really flattering jeans and then order myself the same brand, cut and style.  It's not that simple though.  While many ladies want their butts to look smaller, some of us need our butts to look a little rounder.  While I sort of know the basics of pockets 101, it all goes out the door when I hit the dressing rooms.  This is a fact because I'm certain I own at least 7 pairs of unflattering jeans.  I don't know how it happens.  Why did I buy these awful jeans?  I bet I was in a dressing room rush (hello two impatient kids) and I wanted to buy the least expensive jeans (hello cheap husband).  The truth is that one pair of very flattering jeans is a totally worth the money.  Even I can see that one pricey pair is far better than 7 unflattering, cheap pairs.

So now I feel committed to the idea of buying a really great pair of jeans, regardless of the price.  So where do I begin?  How will I know for sure that I've found my best jeans?  I don't know, but you can be certain I won't go shopping for them without an honest, straight shooting confidant.  Where will the journey begin?  I honestly have no clue.  HELP!


  1. Take me. Take me.... I will not let you buy anything that isnt' perfect for your little perfect butt!!

  2. The Buckle, baby! They will hook you up and they know butts! They will bring you tons of choices and then you can select your favorite brand for your body type. Try some Big Stars or MEK. They will tempt you with Rock Revivals, but you'll have sticker shock with those lovelys.

  3. i saw that same blog a few days ago... and i had mixed feelings of wanting to go jean shopping right away and never wanting to buy another pair of jeans again!! luckily, i have a few more months before i move out of the fat-preggo jeans and back into my 'normal' closet. maybe by the time december rolls around i will find my own personal blue-jean-buying fairy!!