Tuesday, December 11, 2012

When Your Newborn is Still a Stranger

Now that Sasha leaves the nest everyday for school (forced out of the nest, kicking and screaming) I'm getting a lot more one on one time with my younger child. Lyla and I are very much enjoying all this time together. I am again reminded how easy every errand and task can be with only one child in tow. It always amazes me how well my kids do without each other. The behavior is wonderful when it's one parent one kid, but when they go out in public together, squealing and mischief can be expected.

This time alone with Lyla also reminded me of those first few days at the hospital with her, right after she was born. I just hung out in my hospital room staring at this brand new baby. Dave was at home with our older daughter and I was recovering from a C-section with the company of this tiny little stranger.  I just kept thinking the same thought  over and over again, "Who are you little person? I don't know anything about you."

At that point, I had already developed such a deep bond with my first child who was roughly two and a half years old. I knew her, I understood her.  Her personality was  very clear to me and it's the kind of thing that bonds a mother to her baby. That understanding that no one other than their parent could have of a child that young.

In hindsight, I didn't know anything about my first baby when she was born either, but it was my first time ever having a baby, so I didn't know any better. But the second time around, it was very clear that I didn't know anything about this little girl that had just been removed from my abdomen. It was all compounded by the fact that she looked nothing at all like what I had been expecting. For whatever reason, my limited imagination had expected baby number two to be an exact carbon copy of the first one. They were both girls, so why on earth wouldn't they be identical? You can imagine my surprise when a six pound, tiny headed, mini baby emerged from from my belly, when I'd been expecting to see an eight pound, block headed, robust baby. This new baby was also sporting a peach fuzz covered head while I was anticipating a full head of dark hair. She was adorable, but it was so unexpected.

 Mind you, I'd had a C-section, so I didn't get to see my baby right away. When I was finally handed a baby, I thought she was so tiny and adorable, but I wasn't entirely certain that I'd been handed the right baby. My only eyewitnesses of the actual baby being pulled from my mid-section were my sister, who was admittedly on Ambien, and my husband who threatened to pass out several times during the surgery. We were all, tired, surprised and confused about this freak 3 A.M. C-section, but they assured me that this was in fact the same baby that had been pulled from my midsection. She grew to have many bizarre food allergies, so now I know for certain that she is mine and I have fallen madly in love with her. It all leaves me wondering what in the world a third kid would be like.  What would that one look and act like?  The possibilities are endless and I want to have a sneak peak at their quirky personalities and mannerisms.  I sort of think I'll be left wondering that for the rest of my life. I'm sure every parents wonders about these things. I don't think I'm crazy enough to find out the answer. These kids are a lot of work.

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