Monday, December 10, 2012

Red Box Battles

When I was younger, I had a high tolerance for dumb movies. I could sit down and watch a "Man movie" without much complaint. I don't know what changed, but I really can't tolerate watching dumb man movies anymore. I think the Lord of the Rings pushed me over the edge.  I don't want drama and science fiction, I want comedy. If I'm going to sit still for two hours, I want to laugh. FYI, I can't deal with many movies that are longer than two hours. I always check how long a movie is before I'll watch it. Who has 3 hours for one movie? I don't have the time, the patience or the attention span for it. I'm sure Lincoln is amazing, and The Hobbit will be a game changer for every mans inner nerd, but I won't know, because I won't see them. I just want to laugh to the point that I risk snorting or peeing my pants. That's what I call entertainment.

This new development is tough for a marriage. Dave and I like a lot of the same movies, but we do find ourselves having Red Box battles. I'm no idiot. I don't even try to persuade Dave to watch "What to Expect When You're Expecting" or "Magic Mike". He won't have it and I hate forcing someone to watch a movie that I know they'll hate.  I kills all the joy.

 I secretly wanted to see Rock of Ages, but you bet your butt I waited for a night that I knew Dave wouldn't be home to watch it. I'm so thankful I did, because three minutes into the movie I remembered that aside from Grease, I hate musicals. Though I was tempted to turn it off a million times, I did finish the movie, but it was painful. I am very married to the original versions of ALL 80's rock songs. I'm still dumbfounded about the casting of Tom Cruise for the roll of the jaded rock star. Sebastian Bach, of the hair band Skid Row, had a small cameo in the movie and he would have been perfect for the lead role. Plus....he can actually sing, but I guess that's not super important to the casting director of a MUSICAL!!! Again, I'm just so thankful that Dave didn't see one single second of Rock of Ages, because I would never live that one down.

Our most recent battle was Promethius vs. That's my Boy.
I new from the first two seconds of the Promethius trailer, that Dave would be all over it and I would hate it. That type of movie is exactly what he's drawn to. He's looking for anything Alien or Predator like. I can deal with those two movies, but new movies aren't ever going to replace those classics. I blame technology. Special Effects are getting way too over the top and movies rely to heavily on them.  I want entertainment, not a display of what your computer is capable of. I assumed that Promethius would be full of that crap.

I was pushing for That's my Boy, not because I thought it looked Oscar worthy but because I knew it would be filled with the crude humor that I find hilarious. I should mention that it got horrible reviews, but I was willing to take that gamble for a good laugh. I guess I pushed the issue, because Dave finally gave it.

This was a huge risk. There is almost nothing worse in a relationship than fighting to see a movie that ends up being horrible. Dave and I make sure to never forget the others bad movie selections.  Those need to be stored in the vault and used as ammo when a Red Box Battle begins.

Adam Sandler usually let's me down, but not this time. That's my Boy was crude and filthy and so freaking funny. Yes, it was over the top on a lot of the jokes, but we laughed and Dave stayed awake for the entire movie (wow, this almost never happens). I would not recommend it to anyone, because I don't want people thinking I'm a disgusting pervert, but I was entertained.

Dave did push for Promethius on the next go round and he got his wish. I was told it was stupid. I was wise enough to do a little reading and Facebook gaming that night, so I got to skip the whole thing.  I'm sure the next movie he wants to see will be the new Batman. I would fight it, but Christian Bale is very attractive so hopefully his good looks alone will help me get through that one. Thank you Mr. Bale for making movie night a little bit easier.

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