Thursday, December 27, 2012

A Brand New Holiday!

I've had a few secret meetings with the powers that be and I think it's time to reveal what I've got in the works. I've proposed a new holiday. It's tentative title is "Clean-mas". We've been tossing around a few dates for this fantastic new holiday and I felt strongly about January 25. That way even the hoarders will have a chance to celebrate the first official Clean-mas.

I suppose I should back up a bit and explain Clean-mas. The basic concept goes like this. You get Christmas all wrapped up and you then begin your Clean-mas preparations. You have a solid month to put away all your Christmas decor and then you just start cleaning and organizing your house until the actual day of Clean-mas. It's just as much fun as decorating a Christmas tree, only better, because you don't need to un-organize after Clean-mas. On the actual holiday, you don't have a single thing left to do. It's a day for the un-medicated freak shows to relax and enjoy themselves. Clean-mas produces ZERO mess and ZERO stress. You do nothing on Clean-mas and it's glorious.

You do a little cleaning and organizing prep everyday in January and then you really go hard on January 24th, because the next day is the celebration and you don't want to feel a nagging sensation to vacuum on Clean-mas. When the glorious day arrives, you should already have ALL of your dishes washed and put away, and ALL of you clothes washed and put away. On Clean-mas Day, you use paper plates, plastic Solo cups and plastic forks. You use those exclusively on Clean-mas, that's the economic boost from my holiday, because there can be NO cards sent out for Clean-mas. It would totally defeat the purpose. No mess can be produced on Clean-mas day!!!  The postal service will have a the day off as well. No junk mail or bills on Clean-mas.

Everyone eats a pizza on Clean-mas. You must use your paper plates and paper napkins. When the pizza is finished, the dirtiest person in the family has to step up and carry the box and paper products out to the recycling bin. Then you sit down on a couch and watch an entire movie without getting up to do anything else. If you like, you can lay down on your clean carpet and just soak in the done-ness. Really help the freak shows to enjoy the day by reminding them that there is nothing in the dryer that needs folding and the sink and dishwasher are empty as well. All men are required to sit down for any peeing on this special day. It seems silly, but the person in the family that cleans the bathrooms will feel a true sense of serenity from that single act of kindness. I am already in the Clean-mas spirit! I can't wait until January 25th!

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