Wednesday, September 4, 2013

Mini Van Shame

Guess what world, I want a freaking mini van. There, I said it. I totally want one. Anyone with two or more kids probably has a deep, dark, hidden desire for a mini van, but most folks will hide it well. Do you know why most people hide that secret so well? I do, it's because so many people understand the concept that I call, "mini-van shame". I can only explain it like this, you know how wonderful and convenient a mini van would be, but you won't indulge yourself in those wonders because you don't want to be caught dead driving a mini van. You KNOW with absolute certainty that you would be ashamed to be seen driving one. It's a slippery slope, I totally get it. Besides, who wants to spend the money on a new car and then feel ashamed every time you walk in your garage and see your mini van waiting for you to drive it. You wouldn't feel pride, that's for sure.

Despite the shame, I still want one. I want all those seats! I want doors that open with the push of a button! I want doors that my kids can't swing outward with enough force to dent the shit of out the fancy car parked next to us. I want to be able to fit my entire body in the back seat while I explain to my child (for the thousandth time) how exactly to fasten a seat belt. I also want the DVD player so that my kids will be too distracted to bug the shit out of each other. I want the option to put one kid on the back row and one kid on the middle row. I want the convenience so bad that I could scream!!!

All that being said, Dave totally laughs at me when I even suggest that I need one. It does look absurd from the outside. I am a little cool and I don't belong in a mini van. I only have two kids of my own and I am not having any more. So the question remains, why now? Why do I suddenly feel that it's van time? My only answer is this, reality. Sure I only have two kids, but I find myself hauling around WAY more than two kids. I hate contorting my body into odd positions while I try desperately to fasten kids into seat belts when they are all sitting in these absurdly large car seats and boosters. It makes me angry. It turns me into a sweaty mess that longs for the good old days. The days when you could throw tons of kids in the bed of a truck and go. Life was easy back then. My mom didn't have to deal with boosters. I bet if I really looked into the current Utah laws, I would find that I truly still belong in a booster seat. It's just all too much.

So yeah, I want to give up on my image and get real. I want a mini van! As dumb as it sounds, I realize that I would be mortified to run into anyone while driving it, especially a hottie, but I might be able to get past all of that. It's just a stupid looking car when you get right down to it. Lots of people drive ugly cars that don't even have push button sliding door. They probably don't even loose sleep over it. I hope I can overcome my fears and just do it. It's so much harder than it sounds. I want to drive without shame. Can't we all just pretend like mini vans are super cool?

1 comment:

  1. Lol. Cute post. So, have you started looking at which one you want to go with?