The Ugly Dress

Yesterday, I was forced to deal with something I've been avoiding for years. It's something I've been keeping in the closet for quite sometime. I think I'll feel a million times better when I just get it out there and let this problem face the light of day.

My deep dark secret is my senseless love of a horribly ugly dress. This isn't just any ugly dress, this is my secret lover of an ugly dress.  It makes me look and feel so good, but every time I wear it, I know that it's wrong. I think it makes my 5'1" frame appear taller.  I'm not sure if it's an illusion given to me by the psychedelic pattern or just a delusional thought in my brain. It's a love/hate thing. I see this thing on a hanger and I say "GROSS!", but then I put it on and it's like, "Oh hell yeah!".  I don't even know how this is possible but this is the reality of the situation. I've fallen into this trap enough times to end up wearing this atrocity to some weddings. I wore it to my sisters wedding and to my long time pal, Patsy's wedding. I'm embarrassed that I wore such an ugly dress to these weddings, especially because I KNOW how hideous it is. The magic of the dress only reveals itself when you're in it. What am I to do?

This photo makes me cringe. It's the ugliest dress ever!!!

I remember the day I bought my ugly duckling. I was trying on dresses at Dillards and my mom was babysitting my child. I was free to try on as many as I wanted and I was determined to do just that. I grabbed all different styles of dresses. The plan was to get out of my comfort zone and try on things I wouldn't normally choose. I wanted to see what looked best on my figure, instead of just getting what I would normally be drawn to. The ugly dress worked it's magic on me right then and there. It was a no brainer, I was absolutely going to buy this atrocious dress.

Well yesterday, during the closet clean out, I was amped up enough to throw it in the donation pile. It must have been quite a high I was on, because I shoved it in the donation bag without hesitation. I was really trying to do myself a favor. I knew if it wasn't hanging in my closet, then it couldn't even be an option for me to choose in a pinch. All afternoon I was fine with the decision to part ways with it. Then fate stepped in.

I was planning on returning a Redbox movie in the afternoon and that was also when I'd planned on dropping off all my old clothes into the donation bin. Well as I pulled up to the bin, I saw about five garbage bags of clothes sitting on the ground in front of the bin. It was FULL! So I returned home with the bags of old clothes still sitting in the back of my car. As I was admiring my clean closet later that night, I started panicking about my ugly dress. I miss it. I think I need it. I really want to keep it. And then it hit me, I didn't get rid of it yet. It's still in the back of the car!  I don't think I can part with it just yet... I think I'm going to dig it out of the garbage bag. Why oh why am I compelled to keep something so awful?