Mugshot Lessons

Last week, Facebook suggested that I "Like" a page called Weber County Mugshots. I took the bait instantly. For anyone who may not know, many jails post their daily mugshots on their websites. Some people think this public shaming is unfair, but I look at it as the modern day stockades. Be good, and you won't find your photo on the mugshot site.

You get the photos but also a plethora of other information about the newest guests of the county jail. You get their age, height, weight, identifying marks (tattoos like a smiley face on the left butt cheek, and horribly spelled names like "Amathust"), known alias', bail amounts and the reason why this person has been arrested.

When the photos and information are all packaged together and posted in your Facebook News feed, it becomes very interesting stuff. It's almost a game at this point. You look at the photo and try to guess the crime based only on the photo. Meth possession is by far the easiest. There's nothing more obvious than the wrecked face of a meth head. You'll see this face of a ninety year old who's actual age is 27 and BINGO, you guessed it, meth!

The horrible part about receiving all this information is that you are suddenly aware of how many criminals are living in your city. There are so many more scary freak shows in O-town than I ever would have guessed and that's saying a lot, because I think most folks are freak shows. The information I now have about these people is troubling, but true. I've only been seeing the daily mugshots on Facebook for one week, but I have learned so much. These are the main points that I've picked up.

1. SAY NO TO DRUGS! They weren't joking around in that D.A.R.E. program! Drugs are an expressway to jail.
2. Don't get a tattoo on your face. I already knew this was a big no no, but now I know it's the first sign that you want to do some hard time. If you walk out of a tattoo parlor with fresh ink on your face, GO DIRECTLY TO JAIL! Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. They will find you eventually.
3. Jail is freaking scary. If jail were an event invite on Facebook or and invitation on E-vites, I would decline solely based on the photos of those marked as "attending".  That place is chalk full of creepers, women and men. These aren't the folks you want to spend time with.                 
4. Never leave the house looking like shit. Apparently your odds of being arrested must quadruple if you're looking super bad. I've yet to see a single mugshot of someone looking "fresh to death". Jersey Shore star, Pauly D will never be going to jail if this data is correct. Looking super put together is sure fire way to avoid a mugshot photo session. Comb your hair, wear your teeth and stick to the straight and narrow.
5. Trust NO ONE! These websites are available to the public for a reason. If you meet someone even slightly off, check the site for their mugshot. Joe Shmoe might just be one of Bobby McCriminals known alias'.